How to Sort?

So I've been thinking about how to arrange my blog files, and even dreaming about the possibilities. Maybe putting the options down in writing will help clarify matters.

My chief temptation is to present the files sorted chronologically, as if they were historical data whose value rests in part on their timing. There are some older writings that I've copied into the blog, which I'd have to pull out and label separately - writings from junior high and high school, writings from college and law school years, writings for Mothertongue Readers' Theatre - but the bulk of the blog was written for the blog or at least was posted there near the time of its writing.

Or, I could sort the pieces by the purpose for which they were written: English classes and writing workshops, the blog itself, Mothertongue, the synagogue, and Christian self-expression.

Or, finally and most difficult, would be to organize the pieces by the subject of the writing. There are many different subjects and ways of splitting them up, and a single piece often touches on two different subjects. My original subject list: current happenings, my past, my mental blocks, spirituality, commentary on others' writings, and general non-fiction. A list proposed by my writing coach includes: inspiration, observations, musings, memories, faith/shul, san francisco, outside, and panic.

I suppose that the decision should rest less on my convenience and more on what would be most accessible and interesting to a reader. Some authors can tell a story with graceful interjections that seem fairly far afield. I'm reading a book that's the story of the life of a pet pig in New Hampshire, but every so often the author spends a few months in India or Brazil studying other animals, and she manages to weave these trips into the narrative without any loss of momentum.

If I were to identify a basic story arc, say moving into retirement or recovering from major depression, maybe I could weave my political, artistic, and other excursions into the narrative. Maybe.

My original sorting included prioritizing my first three topics: current happenings, my past, and my mental blocks. But the downside of that was that the chosen topics included some relatively dull stuff and this sorting omitted some pieces I really liked from the excluded topics. So then I pulled out some of the duller stuff and pulled in some stuff from the other topics. But then I resorted the pages in chronological order and lost the original sort. And the more I look at the current pile of pages, the less cohesive and more amorphous it seems.

Maybe some subjects need to be in chronological order. Certainly reports of what I was then doing would make more sense in the order of their occurrence. But even a biography is seldom told in strict chronology; the author chooses an angle of approach and opens with a good hook before digging into the subject's ancestors and early childhood.

I seem to have a bit of a dilemma: I can't find a good arrangement for the pieces until I decide what I'm trying to accomplish with them, and I can't figure out what I'm saying with them until I get the pieces sorted in my mind. Along with whatever explanation and expansion seems necessary.

And part of the problem is that the pieces are so disparate in origin, subject, and purpose. Por ejemplo, I've got prayers and sermons on the one hand, and bawdy pieces about sexuality and lesbianism on the other hand. Now, reconciling these parts of myself has been one of the major themes of my life. Maybe that could be an organizing principle. Hmm.

Alternatively, breaking the pieces into several different projects may be the way to go. For example, I could pull together all the Christian, Jewish, and Buddhist material, and enough of the circumstances of my life to explain my interest in all three religions. But queer spirituality has been written about in each flavor, I'm sure. Don't think I'd buy a book on that subject alone.

Well, this has all been pretty helpful. I'll be curious to see if I stop dreaming about editing the files or if the content of the dreams changes.

Stay tuned for future developments.

Some New Stuff

German Coincidences

This morning I was talking to myself in German, which I do from time to time. I never lived in Germany; I only studied German in college. But every so often, a simple phrase or sentence springs from me, apparently without cause.

This morning, though, it occurred to me to wonder why. I've studied other languages, and while an occasional French exclamation or Latin saying will issue from me, that's about it. No Hebrew, no Spanish, no Italian, or New Testament Greek.

So it occurred to me, maybe German arises spontaneously because I grew up with relatives who spoke Yiddish, which is essentially German written with Hebrew characters.

Then later this morning I met with my weekly coffee/brunch group. I shared with the three women sitting nearest me, who were all Jewish, what I had realized about my Yiddish and German experiences. They seemed to agree with my reasoning.

A bit later still, Maria came to the group for the first time in several months. She had returned to her home in Germany after her stay in San Francisco, and was now back for another visit.

So, first I spoke to myself in German, then I wondered about why I spoke in German, then I talked with my friends about why I speak in German, then finally an actual speaker of German returns to our group after a long absence. What are the odds of all that happening within a few hours?

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Fast Food

Fast food is the choice of the poor, unhappy, or both. It's cheap and readily available. To put together even a hamburger from fresh, organic scratch would cost considerably more than the buck price of a fast food burger. And a restaurant burger? Forget it.

As for the unhappy, I tend to equate unhappiness with depression. And as I well know, a depressed person thinks so little of herself and is so immobilized that she's not about to take herself out to a nice restaurant or buy and fix herself a lovely meal.

And that's assuming she's even hungry. When I was depressed, I had no interest in food. I lost some 60 pounds because I just didn't want to eat anything. So, no food at all would have been my choice then, not fast food.

And I think that patience and anticipation are both characteristics that are not abundant in unhappy or depressed folks. And the ability to plan ahead and then follow that plan? Not so much. I don't think about food until I'm hungry or in a restaurant, and then I want that food now.

Fast food is also tremendously unhealthy - see "Supersize Me." If you weren't unhappy before eating it, indigestion and ill health are likely to sour your mood afterwards.

That said, about once a year I just have to have some Jack in the Box tacos. Because they remind me of Santa Monica beach tacos, they have major nostalgia value.

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Disputing About Tastes

My favorite Latin saying comes to mind, and usually then issues from my mouth, every couple of weeks. The saying is "De gustibus non disputandum est," there can be no arguing about tastes.

I probably picked it up in a Latin class. I continue to use it because I live by the sentiment and love the way it sounds. It's certainly less sexist than the roughly equivalent saying, "One man's meat is another man's poison." And it's much more elegant than "Different strokes for different folks." And I'm not sure how to pronounce the French version, "Chacun a son gout" (or spell it, for that matter).

More to the point, I keep on needing to assert this concept because I'm surrounded by people who believe that their own tastes are eternal verities, and that, if mine differ, I must be flawed, stupid, cowardly, or dull.

No, no, no, no!

Every person has the right to her own likes and dislikes. The only fault that could possibly attach to a dislike is to assert it without actually having tried the substance or activity in question. And I would maintain that we have no moral duty to try any new thing. Some activities I can be fairly confident that I won't enjoy without having to sample them - especially ones that are apt to result in pain, bleeding, or nausea.

Keeping an open mind is a virtue to some folks, so I usually try a new food or drink, say, at least once.. On the other hand, my mind doesn't need to be so open that things fall out. By which I mean that revisiting known pleasures is also a good thing.

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State of the Union Rant

Pres. Obama certainly deserves to take a victory lap after all the disrespect, trash talk, lies, and nearly treasonous obstruction he has received from Republicans and other haters.

He inherited several steaming messes courtesy of the Decider, Bush Junior - Iraq, Afghanistan, Wall Street collapse, real estate collapse, job losses, etc. etc.

And by ignoring the haters and following Democratic principles and just plain persistence, he saved the American economy, encouraged the creation of millions of new jobs, got millions of people health insurance, got Don't Ask Don't Tell repealed and the Defense of Marriage Act off the books, and cut gas prices by half, and saved the American auto industry, and, oh yeah, while bringing budget deficits way down.

If anything, we need to be spending much more federal money to repair roads and bridges, and on education, child care, and Social Security.

Our economy is doing so much better, yet the country is still so divided. Why people vote to preserve the privileges of the 1% at their own expense is nearly impossible to understand. My best guess is that they believe Republican lies about the government getting in the way of opportunity. And they think that they actually have a decent chance of getting rich without relying on their parents' wealth or government help re education, policing, roads, food and water safety, etc. etc. But the evidence is strongly to the contrary. In fact, upward mobility in other countries is strongly tied to the extent to which the government maintains a strong safety net.
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Having Too Much

In this age of clutter-consciousness and voluntary simplicity, having too much stuff is a problem for all but the homeless, and maybe for some of them. Our problems with stuff support reality shows about hoarding, and new books about clearing out clutter appear every day.

I buy too much stuff. I'm given too much stuff. I have no place to put all my stuff. I don't remember where I put my stuff.

After two complete rounds of going through every item I own, paring them down, and organizing the remainder, things are starting to build up again. And it's oppressive and depressing. And that's literally depression-inducing, which is a risk I shouldn't be running.

There must be some member of my interior committee who wants to have lots and lost of stuff, who is greedy and acquisitive. Well, acquisitiveness is a very common failing (and one deemed patriotic for us 'consumers'), especially for Americans. But, more charitably, maybe my inner child, who got plucked up and transplanted twice during her tender years, gets security from having stuff that stays with her. Surrounding herself with toys and memories and books acts as a barrier to change, as a cushion against threat and danger.

Thinking about my talismans, books, and teddy bears, and the records that have given me joy, brings a warm feeling to my chest.

I like knowing where my next teddy bear and my next good read are coming from. I don't have to be greedy to want some touchstones for security. But enough is probably enough.

More Editing, Less Writing

So, what I've been up to in recent weeks is working with the last ten years of blog entries and other writings that I've posted in the blog. I dumped it all into a single Word document, and it was nearly 400 pages long!

I got it printed out on heavy paper, and sorted it into rough categories: current happenings, my past, my mental blocks, spiritual matters, poems and songs, general writings, and my responses to others' writings.

I asked Kathy (the leader of Write Now!, a professional "Editorial Strategist") for some guidance, and her first suggestion was to choose the 50% of the pieces that most interest me. Not wanting to undo my sorting efforts, I chose the first three categories as my favorites. However, they included pieces that weren't so fascinating and left out other pieces that were pretty good. So I went back to Kathy with an update. She didn't know I had already done the sorting, and her second suggestion would have been to sort my favorites. So I went back to the rejected categories and pulled in my favorite pieces, and went through the chosen categories and pulled out my less favorite pieces.

I've been doing the sorting and choosing in the paper version, and updating the Word document as I go along. This morning I've been deleting the deselected pieces and copying in the newly chosen ones. Then I don't know what I'll do, but am inclining to want to stick to working with the paper version for the nonce.