My Theory of Personal Change

 

Question: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: Just one. But the bulb has to want to be changed.

 Many times in my life I have tried to give up a bad habit or form a new one. And many times I have failed. Thus, for most of my life, my theory of personal change was that I didn’t. At least, not permanently.

 Then I started the Noom program for weight loss about a year and a half ago. They used the system of SMART goals; goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-based. I had tried to formulate and reach SMART goals in the past, without success.  I now realize that I hadn‘t chosen goals that were attainable by me.

 This brings me back to the psychiatrist and the light bulb. If the bulb doesn’t want to change, it won’t. Over the years, I have discovered that my decisions are based on the deliberations of my internal committee: its members currently include my inner couch potato, the introvert who prefers books to people, the hunter-gatherer who enjoys walking the neighborhood and bagging bits of food in between picking off chores, etc.

 If I try to achieve a goal that isn’t supported by at least a majority of the voices on the committee, it ain’t gonna happen. So, attainable means not only physically and logistically doable, but also acceptable to a majority of my committee members. My members get sad when I am deprived of pleasures, so it really helps if a goal is intrinsically somewhat rewarding.

 Thus, when I came to choose my first goal for Noom, I chose to add a piece of fruit to every meal. Since I enjoy fruit, I would look forward to each meal. This added to my nutrition without depriving me of anything I enjoyed. The idea of a diet in which I could never eat any particular food makes me sad, and would never be attainable. But adding a fresh, tasty, nutritious item several times a day improved my outlook and energy, and made it easier to choose suitable goals going forward.

 Approaching two years on Noom, I am so close to my initial, somewhat conservative, goal weight that I’m considering whether I should adopt another goal weight that is 10 or 20 pounds lower. However, I don’t so much work with particular goals any more. I have developed a set of customary meals that keep me within my calorie budget while providing a constant flow of small pleasures. And when I get a yen for a particular baddie, like donuts or ice cream, I can indulge in reasonable portions without major regain or guilt.

 Thus, making small life changes that don’t outrage members of my committee works for me. Slow but steady is effective, and – more to the point – a way of life I can live with.