Really the rest of the old posts

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Long time no post

I've been kinda swamped at work and under some other complications, so I apologize for the gap since the last post. I was flabbergasted last week to receive an e-mail from a provider of payday loans offering to pay to advertise on this blog. I was amazed that anyone not only found it but thought it might have enough readers to justify advertising, but I was disappointed that the service being offered was one I can't get behind supporting. Oh well. At least the attention has pushed me back to the keyboard.

A couple of big things have happened since my last post. The biggest is the death of my co-tenant in common on Rosh Hashanah. I visited him at least weekly in the months he was in the hospital, and wrote and submitted an obituary for publication. He did a lot of good in the world.

My hope is to buy his interest in the building from his heir, but I haven't yet gotten it together to gather the financial information necessary for my financial advisor to figure out how much I can afford to spend without jeopardizing my retirement. Gotta get going on that.

I had a lovely time last month at the annual recorder week in Carmel Valley. The weather was unusually fine, the hillsides were beautiful, the food was good. In morning walks with my birding friends I saw a red-shouldered hawk, western bluebirds, and yellow-crowned sparrows. It was great seeing my friends from other parts of the country again, and I enjoyed the classes that I chose. One of these was with Margriet Tindemans, a viol player and teacher who also, it turns out, has recorder expertise. The class had both viols and recorders. Listening while the viols repeatedly tuned up was a bit boring, but I and another advanced recorder player got to play the most challenging and showy parts of the various pieces that we played. One evening there were guided sight-reading sessions, and we three top recorder players were joined by the top viol player and Ms. Tindemans, who both coached and played bass viol with us. We were hot. One movement that we played sounded like a glorious, lush organ piece - we were blown away. I got to play a couple of solos in the orchestra and was the only recorder player on my part in two other selections in the concert at the end of the week.

I'm gearing up to co-lead a service in two weeks with the rabbinical intern, from whom I have been taking this class called "A Covenant of Words," which studies Jewish thought and theology in the context of the weekly Torah portion and some key Hebrew terms. It's part of the coursework for having an adult Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony.

I'm wavering about whether to complete the course and participate in the ceremony. When I was growing up in Reform Judaism, I was interested in having a Bat Mitzvah, but I moved away from the congregation before it could take place. Since then, I've wandered in fields of atheism, various flavors of Christianity, and Buddhist meditation, and my spirituality has become very diverse, and somewhat inconsistent. However, I have been a dues-paying member of the synagogue for more than 20 years. That shows a degree of commitment beyond that of many Jews. Stay tuned.
4:59 pm pst

Saturday, August 12, 2006
My latest sermon

This week’s portion is Ekev. It includes the basis for birkat hamazon, the grace after meals: “When you have eaten your fill, give thanks to Adonai your God for the good land which God has given you.” Giving thanks after meals is a good thing, although I’m more apt to do so before meals. But, gratitude in general, is a wonderful way to approach life. Being appreciative for the good things in our lives is appropriate. Moreover, being grateful is one of the most effective ways we have of becoming happy and useful.

I’ve heard a Jewish teaching that we have a moral duty to be cheerful (except for times like Tisha b’Av, the commemoration of the destruction of the Temple, and during times of mourning for loved ones). Gratitude can help with that, and it’s much more pleasant feeling grateful and cheerful than many of the other ways we might feel, like discontent, angry, or bitter. Life is not perfect, and there’s too little of it, so we get the most out of it by focusing on the good parts, the parts we can be grateful for.

Moses goes on to explain that gratitude is enjoined upon us because, when we have a full stomach and look around at our fine house and herds and flocks, and our silver and gold, we could think that we have won this wealth by ourselves. And that’s not the case. “Remember that it is Adonai your God who gives you the power to get wealth.” Well, yes, all things come from God.

But this portion talks a lot about the blessings that will come if the people are obedient to God and the curses that will result from disobedience, and I have some trouble with this carrot and stick approach towards developing an obedient congregation. First, the carrot – it’s variously described as land, flocks, numerous descendants, the awestruck admiration of other nations, etc. All of these are a bit problematical to me. Dispossessing other people from their land can create trouble. And I don’t think that accumulating wealth is an appropriate goal for life. Enough to survive comfortably, OK, but amassing a fine house and herds and flocks and silver and gold? Unnecessary and too much. And when some people have too much, others have too little, because the world is a zero sum game.

Then there’s the carrot of having descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. I think that the planet has about all the inhabitants it can accommodate now, thank you, and those it has (especially the wealthy ones) are certainly using up its resources at unsustainable rates.

How about the acclaim of the rest of the world? It would be nice to be thought well of, for a change, instead of being subjected to hatred, expulsion, pogroms, and extermination. But I’d settle for being thought of as no better and no worse than others.

As to the stick part of the equation, let me start with this piece of Ekev: “And now, Israel, what does Adonai your God demand of you, but to fear Adonai your God, to walk in all God’s ways, and to love Adonai, and to serve Adonai your God with all your heart and with all your soul; to keep for your good the commandments of Adonai, and God’s statutes, which I command you this day?”

A more recent JPS translation says that we should revere God. I don’t profess to know enough Hebrew to say which translation is more true to the meanings of the Hebrew verb, but, judging by the events of the Exodus, I think that ‘fear’ is the appropriate word. Very bad things happen when the people get on the wrong side of God. After Aaron made the golden calf and the people enthusiastically worshipped it, the Levites killed three thousand of the men. And when Nadab and Abihu made a fire offering that God had not commanded, God burnt them to a crisp. And then when some people developed a lust for meat, God sent a deadly plague. And shortly after that, Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses, and Miriam contracted leprosy. And finally, for being afraid to enter the promised land, the whole adult generation is condemned to die in the desert.

When making inappropriate choices can get you killed, fear is the appropriate response. Slaughter is a very big stick indeed.

But the problem is, it doesn’t work. Moses lists these events in the portion and acknowledges that the people keep on going astray. He concludes that this is because they are a stiffnecked people. He says, “As long as I have known you, you have been defiant toward God.”

But the problem might be instead with the carrot and stick method. I read a lot, and lately I have read several references to another training method. This approach has been very successful in training animals, children, and spouses. The technique is simple - ignore bad behavior and lavishly praise the desired behavior. I don’t know if we can get God to use this approach, but it sure would be less bloody.

There is another strand in the portion that is neither carrot nor stick. It’s references to the good things that God has already done for the people: “the wondrous acts that you saw with your own eyes, the signs and the portents, the right hand, and the outstretched arm by which Adonai your God liberated you.” The provision of water, and manna, and quail in the desert. “The clothes upon you did not wear out, nor did your feet swell these forty years.” If God can’t be persuaded to try the lavish praise method of training, perhaps we can escape the stick by obeying the mitzvot out of gratitude.

May we grow in gratitude for all the goodness of God and may that gratitude both fill us with joy and lead us to walk more closely in God’s ways.5:41 pm pdt

Friday, July 28, 2006
Earthlink does it again

I did get back to Earthlink when it appeared that the one time my phone rang was a fluke, and they gave me the runaround for a few days, including the flabbergasting mention of a cancellation fee, and I finally turned the matter over to a specialist at AT&T, who got my phone service back in order that day.

I had hoped I'd heard the last of the abortive Earthlink phone service, but decided to carefully peruse my e-mailed invoice to be sure. That was wise. They charged me a $150 early termination fee, even though I didn't terminate the service - they decided that they couldn't make it work and canceled on me!

So I called them up to demand my money back and the woman on the phone was sympathetic at first but then put me on hold for a few more minutes while they figured out a way to hang on to that money a bit longer. She came back and told me they'd be holding on to it as security until I returned the better DSL modem that they had sent me as part of the new service. Since they hadn't made me mail back the crappy old modem that was part of my previous internet service with them (and that modem had cut out on me many times, necessitating hours of calls to tech support), I was kinda hoping that they'd let me keep the new one in recompense for the hassle they put me through to get my previous phone service restored. But no, and I don't think they have any contractual right to hang on to a fee that they had no right to charge me in the first place as security for its return. In fact, it would be more equitable if I waited for the return of my money before letting go of the new modem.

Anyway, my blood pressure's up again and I'm thinking ever more strongly about switching to another ISP, even if I have to go back to dialup.

Be warned, Earthlink doesn't have a clue about providing phone service over the internet - and sucks at customer service.
6:38 pm pdt

Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Sensations as winds

A recent bit of Buddhist wisdom:

Different winds come from all directions. Some are clear, some carry dust, some are cold or hot, fierce gales or gentle breezes. In the same way sensations arise in the body--pleasant or unpleasant or neutral. When a meditator sees sensations as he does the winds, coming and going, clear or dust laden, fierce or gentle, he will fully understand them and be free from dependence on them. When he understands sensations perfectly, he will see beyond this conditioned world.

I'm on vacation this week, and it's about time too. I finally shipped that six-volume new edition off to the printer and am keeping my fingers crossed that it will show up in print, in a condition that's not too embarrassing, within the quarter.

So, I'm taking a week off and going to the Berkeley Festival and Exhibition of Early Music. I went to three concerts yesterday, and will be attending concerts and the exhibition hall Wednesday through Saturday, but I took today off to rest up and get some chores done - like voting.

I usually choose concerts because I expect to enjoy the music or because I like the performers and hope to enjoy the music. Sarah and I chose concerts this year with convenient location as the primary factor - which hasn't worked too well so far. Of yesterday's three concerts, one was enjoyable, one was OK, and I was thinking about walking out of the third. I'm hoping they'll improve.

It's been a fun time with my phone service. I improvidently accepted an offer to convert my local and long distance service to my ISP, Earthlink. They made the switchover without notifying me in person, and it didn't work - I had a dial tone, but my phone didn't ring; calls went straight into the new voicemail that I didn't know I should be checking. I didn't find out about the problem until a friend who had been trying to reach me on the phone for nearly a day finally sent me an e-mail. After several days and hours spent on the phone with tech support, and getting a different story from each person I reached, they finally admitted defeat - there was something about my phone line that wouldn't support the service I'd ordered. However, it wasn't until a few days later, when I called to see if I'd been switched back yet, that I was told that I had to call my former phone company and ask them to ask Earthlink to switch me back. A few days later, my phone is ringing again, but the voicemail still seems to be active. I don't know if I want to get involved in trying to shut it off ...

So, about winds and sensations. Most of my life I have been very aware of sensations in my body, and comfort is one of my highest values. On the other hand, instead of working to fix the uncomfortable sensation, recently I sometimes just hunker down and wait for it to pass (e.g., a headache, I may stretch my neck a bit, but I don't take aspirin or lie down with a heating pad). The above reading suggests that my inaction may be a good thing. On the other hand, there are some remedies for discomfort that also help improve bodily health, like exercises for aches caused by weak muscles.

Of course, the reading is talking about sensations experienced during meditation, which are to be observed with detachment, but I think it also intends to extend its recommendation of detachment to life generally. I'm a little confused about how to relate my desire for enjoyable experiences with a stance of detached observation concerning the outcomes. But logically they can co-exist. Stay tuned.
4:57 pm pdt

Friday, May 19, 2006
Let go of what's worn out

Good advice in today's horoscope:

It's the end of the line for the way you have been thinking about yourself. What worked well for you in the past may have outlived its useful life. Don't try to hold on to concepts that only bring you painful memories. Let the thoughts come into consciousness and then let them pass on. Try conjuring up some of that famous Piscean compassion so you can judge yourself less harshly. Being kind to others starts with you first.

Just today I noticed myself thinking of myself as small, young, and helpless - when in fact I'm none of these things. The thought came up in the context of my wanting to ask questions of a co-worker of mine who is also helping out with a project that has in the past been the province of another office. One inner voice tells me that I'm stupid and indecisive and can't do this without getting help from someone else. But another voice tells me that I've been at this profession for a long time and know what I'm doing. My thoughts are a little scattered just now because I'm picking up the last pieces of that long and horrendously problematic project, and even if they weren't, another person may have a different perspective on my situation that I wouldn't see at the best of times - and vice versa, I have good perspective on others' problems, simply because they aren't mine.

So, I notice the out-of-date self-concept, respond to it, and let it go. At least for now.
1:52 pm pdt

Friday, April 7, 2006
Halting and straining

Since I've had trouble posting, I've been saving up bits of inspiration for a long time. Here's a Buddhist one:

"How, dear sir, did you cross the flood?""By not halting friend, and by not straining I crossed the flood.""But how is it, dear sir, that by not halting and by not straining you crossed the flood?""When I came to a standstill, friend, then I sank; but when I struggled, then I got swept away. It is in this way, friend, that by not halting and by not straining I crossed the flood."
I understand the danger of halting - you can't get anywhere or accomplish anything unless you try and keep on trying until it's done. As one saying has it, "Aim at nothing and you're sure to hit it." Or as Bloody Mary put it, "You gotta have a dream; if you don't have a dream, how you gonna make your dream come true?"

Straining is a bit harder of a concept. The saying suggests it's like struggling. That would mean trying too hard, or trying so hard that energies go in directions other than the one intended. Maybe it's like when I get frantic at work and too much of my attention is focussed on feeling frantic and not enough on getting the work done correctly.

Anyway, it's good advice.
10:19 am pdt

Friday, March 31, 2006
Technical difficulties

I have been trying to post, not very often, but more often than has shown up on the site. My ISP's blogging program has been malfunctioning of late, so at least twice I've written posts and had them disappear when I tried to post them. I've alerted the powers that be about the problem and they claim to be working on it.

In other news. I've been working on this new edition of a six-volume treatise at work, and nearly everything I've tried to turn the authors' files into publishable documents has failed. I was nearly frantic until I decided that nobody was going to rescue me. I needed to just fix the problems myself, by hand. I did so, and now the remaining problems are someone else's headache. I feel so much better now.
11:55 am pst

Monday, February 20, 2006
Pushing the boundary

There's a Dutch proverb that goes:

He who is outside the door has already got a good part of his journey behind him.
It's so true.

I'm a serious procrastinator. And I do my mental health no favors with this habit, because having an undone chore weighing on me feels bad, even if I'm able to cut that feeling short by thinking about other things once I become aware of the feeling. I've learned not to dwell on it, but it still rushes back with every reminder. And at tax time, reminders of the work I'm not doing on my taxes are everywhere.

But there's this boundary between me and an unloved chore, one that takes a special effort to step over, under, or through, before I can actually do the chore. In retrospect, the boundary is very thin, like those rings of paper that circus animals jump through. But looking at it head on, it's solid and off-putting.

The Dutch saying makes perfect sense in this context. Step through the barrier and the job is much, much closer to completion. Take just the first, smallest, actual step towards completion of the chore, and the barrier is gone (more or less).

My mother used to discuss avoiding situations in terms of willingness. Am I willing to do this thing? she would ask herself. And if not, then, am I willing to be made willing? She would then seek divine help to be made willing to be made willing.

My approach is one of avoidance of pain. When the dark cloud of the hovering chore gets too uncomfortable, I find the willingness to take the first step over the boundary, and the rest flows from there.
2:10 pm pst

Friday, February 10, 2006
Retirement or bonus years or ...

I'm taking a class on options for retirement. Its goal is to help the students plumb our pasts to determine what we want to do with ourselves. To find interests and values in our pasts that we now have the opportunity to cultivate. To look for patterns of activities and achievements that help reveal themes that should inform our process of choosing activities in which to invest ourselves. To consider the whole scope of possibilities, including working for a wage or fee or volunteer, to participating in hobbies or studies, or starting up some kind of business or organization. It's precisely the sort of analysis I've been needing to do as I approach retirement.

I already know two pitfalls to watch out for, maybe three. First is perfectionism. Which leads to the belief that there is one perfect plan for my future and that all is lost if I don't discover it. In truth, there are many good enough ways for me to invest myself and spend my time. Also, I get more than one chance at choosing. If something isn't working out, I can try something else. And then I have to watch out for lacking the confidence that I can create or find decent ways to contribute to society while enjoying my freedom from 9 to 5 duty.

Anyway, it's going to be interesting.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Grandpa's pipe

So I took another writing workshop, and was, interestingly, most satisfied with the first piece that I wrote thereat. We were offered a variety of objects and asked to choose one as a writing prompt. I chose a lovely wooden pipe.

Grandpa Vernon smoked a pipe, and he let us kids stuff it with tobacco. The smell of the tobacco was like perfume to me; the smoke from the pipe was a close second. I don't remember what kind of pipe he used, but it might have been a bit like this one, with a curved neck and a smooth wooden bowl that reminds me of a fine recorder.

Years later, I got nostalgic for his pipe and the tobacco, so I went out and bought the cheapest pipe I could find, a corncob, and the best smelling tobacco I could find, laden, like my favorite teas, with fruit scents and sweetness. I loved stuffing the tobacco into the pipe; ny nose grew four inches to grasp all of the scent I could get. But then I lit the pipe, and that took some doing, as tightly as I had stuffed the tobacco, like sausage, into the pipe. I marvel now how Grandpa Vernon ever got his pipe lit, no doubt with leather lungs.

Anyway, I puffed away at the pipe, but the magic was gone, and the smoke stung my eyes. It's the unburned tobacco that I really like. I've since thrown away the pipe, but I keep thinking that I'll buy me some more tobacco.


2:33 pm pst
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Delusions of doom

Boy, did my horoscope hit the nail on the head today. It said:

Whatever you believe can become real, so don't indulge your pessimistic fantasies at this time.

I'm changing medications yet again, and am a bit more susceptible to anxiety than has recently been the case, so I have been experiencing slight physical sensations that I find scary. And I have to tell myself that they're nothing to worry about, and in fact are probably the result of anxiety. As my homeopath put it when the symptoms and fear were particularly fierce, these delusions of doom have got to stop.

So, it's nice to think instead of the weather. We had several days of rain and clouds recently, and then the sun appeared. I was walking with a friend and she commented favorably on the improvement in the weather. Then I said that, if it hadn't been for the rain, we wouldn't appreciate the sun so much. And marveled at myself for voicing so positive, nay nearly Pollyannaish, a sentiment. It would have been truly Pollyanna-like to express the same sentiment while it was raining, but still .... .

I have been proudly pessimistic all my life, with the expressed justification that the only surprises pessimists receive are pleasant ones. Maybe the Prozac is working a bit after all.

Today has been alternately sunny and sprinkly, and when I pointed that out to a friend, she suggested that there might be a rainbow somewhere. Maybe I should nip out for a little walk and look, but a better view - in this downtown area laden with tall office buildings - would be gotten from our own windows on the 25th floor.

Well, it's back to work for me.
2:04 pm pst

Sunday, January 8, 2006
Attitude of gratitude

Today's daily inspiration is a neat little poem:

My mind is a garden. My thoughts are the seeds. My harvest will be either flower or weeds.

It suggests to me the power of positive thinking, and more specifically the gratitude journal that I've been keeping since last March. It was a homework assignment for a class I was taking about getting more satisfaction from life. I was supposed to be noticing patterns about what gave me pleasure and trying to structure my life to get more of those items in my life.

Well. I have been writing down things faithfully lo these nine months or so, but I have not only not been looking for patterns but have barely been spending any time actually being grateful for the items I'm noting down. If I spent even 30 seconds actually thinking about each event, I'd be getting so much more out of the exercise. And if I were to re-read the log every month or so to look for patterns, well, who knows what good might result.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to resume keeping my personal journal at least weekly. And one of the best ways I have to reconstruct my week for that purpose is to look at my gratitude log. So I'll be re-reading it at least a week at a time - which isn't really enough time to see patterns emerge, but is better than not re-reading it at all.

Sometimes to reach a total of at least three items a day I have to log an item that is having gotten through some difficulty in relatively good shape, or with someone's help. Trying to find something positive in relative adversity is a way to practice planting seeds that can bring flowers out of muck.
5:23 pm pst

Monday, January 2, 2006
Practice making a new start

Happy New Year.

This is the time of year when we make resolutions and try to make a fresh start in various areas of our lives. I have made eight New Year's resolutions myself. We have a whole, unspoiled year for self- and world-improvement.

But, actually, each day is a new start. And each day as I leave the house I thank God for giving me the new morning. And we each can take our responsibilities and disciplines one day at a time. I try to take my chores and duties one thing at a time, to keep them from overwhelming me.

But, actually, we get to make a fresh decision about how to act and think every second. That's sixty seconds to the minute, sixty minutes to the hour, 24 hours to the day, 365 days to the year. Lots and lots of opportunities for fresh starts.

Whenever we do something and get a result we don't like, we can usually try to do it better the next time. We don't have to be perfect right off the bat, or for that matter, ever. We just need to keep trying to be better.

As a recent bit of Buddhist wisdom put it:

The more you practice the three trainings of ethics, meditation, and wisdom, the more difficult it will become for you to act in a way that is contrary to an ethical, compassionate attitude.

That's all we need do.

Well, taking advantage of a new start includes letting go of our previous less than stellar attempts, which is easier said than done. Let's try to look forward rather than backwards, though - it's easier on the neck.
4:41 pm pst

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Flickering flames and life on the fritz

The winter solstice is past and finally the days are starting to get longer - which is why, I think, we increase the number of candles in the chanukkiah from day to day of Chanukkah. If we were not trying to mirror or encourage the increase of daylight, we'd be decreasing the light from eight candles back to one, to show how the sacred oil lasted an entire eight days before running out.

But I am really glad for the increasing light, because I'm having problems with power just now. The electrical system of my elderly car (a 1989 model) has been (to coin a phrase) on the fritz lately. A few months ago, I turned the ignition key and nothing whatsoever happened, not even the faintest grinding sound. After selling me a new battery, which made not a whit of difference, the AAA guy called a tow truck that happened to be staffed by a real mechanic who made it his business to find out what was wrong. He finally located a short in the ignition system in the steering column and fixed it, and the car worked just fine.

Then, last week, I turned the key and got that dispiriting weak grinding noise of a dying battery. Called AAA, got a jump start, and after about two hours of driving around it seemed OK. I figured that I had perhaps failed to close the door all the way, so that the dome light had stayed on and drained the battery. But it happened again this week. Instead of calling AAA, I went out and bought myself the charging device they use. I have charged it up by plugging it in at home, and have studied the instructions carefully, and will apply it to my car as soon as it stops raining. Fortunately my car is parked off the street, so I'm not getting tickets on street cleaning days.

I have the following theories about the electrical problem with my car - 1) I've forgotten how to close the door properly, 2) some accessory has started to drain power when the car is off, 3) the new battery is a dud, or 4) there's some other flaw in the electrical system. I hope to learn how to use the charger safely and effectively until I get the problem figured out and fixed, because I can't be calling AAA every time I need to drive somewhere.

In the meanwhile, it occurred to me that electrical problems might make an interesting metaphor for life. The battery gives the car's engine the power it needs to get started, but then the activity of the car recharges the battery. Similarly, it takes some energy to get out of the house and engaged with one's work or chores or exercise, but then the activities repay that energy with a paycheck or satisfaction or more energy. One can become low on energy through physical illness, mental illness, or spiritual malaise, or by over-extending oneself in work or play. Energy can be restored through a careful mix of rest and exercise, good nutrition, and spiritual seeking.

Can one get a jump start of energy from someone else? Maybe, but I think it would be hard to sustain if it's very different from one's own current level of energy. And, caught up in a transient burst of someone else's energy one might promise to do something that is revealed as impossible the next day.
11:24 am pst

Thursday, December 22, 2005
Mental hygiene

I've been wondering recently how much assistance in achieving desirable states of mind (or avoiding undesirable states of mind) is provided by medication and how much by consciously employing mental or physical practices such as meditation, exercise, affirmations, positive thinking, etc.

For example, I have been finding some relief from the sense of being overwhelmed by pending tasks by reminding myself that I've accomplished them before and by tackling one component of them at a time while resolutely not thinking of the other parts. And it may be that the ability to thus focus my attention is being assisted both by my continuing, if feeble, efforts to meditate and by my medication regime.

On the other hand, if someone were to advise me to perform some emotional exercise whose connection to my mental woes was not obvious to me and whose results I could not readily observe, I would probably be about as likely to adopt it diligently as I am to perform physical exercise - that is, not very likely.

As to medication, although it does seem to be heading off major panic episodes, it appears to be less effective against lesser forms of anxiety. I can feel anxiety lurking just around a metaphorical corner, from which it pops out now and then, despite the rainbow of pills I'm ingesting. So I'm thinking that a two-pronged approach, at least, is what is needed for efficacy.

That is, more attention to what I'm thinking during the day would be helpful, and more effort to meditate, and more relaxation techniques. And as to a third prong, more of a spiritual approach, too. I've been lagging in synagogue attendance recently because my event-filled weeks have left me a bit tired by Friday night. Gotta get myself there more regularly.

I've also been thinking of the twelve-step approach to addictive malaise. They say that you're liable to slip into addictive behavior if you let yourself become too HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I can see those conditions being conducive to mental woes of all kinds.

I've also been wrestling with boredom lately, and wondering if it belongs in that catalog of triggers. It seems closely related to loneliness, in that boredom seldom occurs when one is with other people unless one has become detached from them. But being alone does not have to amount to boredom, or loneliness for that matter, if one is engaged in some activity. So, I'm thinking that 'I'm lonely' means about the same thing as 'I'm bored,' and that some engaging activity, with or without other people, will suffice to mitigate either state of mind.

I'm about ready to leave work for my usual Christmas to New Year's vacation, for which I don't have any travel or festivities planned. There's one piece of furniture I want to buy and one small piece of home repair I want to get done, and maybe a yoga class or two to attend, but otherwise, I see a lot of sleeping, reading, crocheting, and TV watching in my future. I hope that if boredom or loneliness looms, I will find engaging activities to keep them at bay and perhaps to accomplish something worthwhile.
9:57 am pst

Sunday, December 18, 2005
Change is my friend

Today's wise saying is:

Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet.

It recalls to mind the gambit described in Games People Play concerning advice being given and rejected between people - "Why don't you ...?" "Yes, but ..." Where a person ostensibly asks for advice but finds a reason for rejecting every offered proposal, thus revealing a deep-seated resistance to change.

We can be uncomfortable in a situation and even be seeking advice or guidance about it but still be unwilling to actually change our behavior or expectations. And, as any twelve-stepper knows, one definition of craziness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the results to be different.

Willingness to change is not my strong suit. But at least awareness that change might be desirable in some areas is a step closer to being able to change than complete unawareness of any possible need for change.
11:46 am pst

Monday, December 12, 2005
Aim at heaven

Today's general inspirational saying (it's Christian, actually) and bit of Buddhist wisdom seem to cover about the same territory from different angles. C.S. Lewis wrote:

Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you get neither.
And the Buddhist saying is:

Form is suffering. The cause and condition for the arising of form is also suffering. As form has originated from what is suffering, how could it be happiness?
Of course, it depends on what you mean by 'form' and by the 'cause and condition for the arising of form,' which is language that I find rather opaque. But in the light of the C.S. Lewis quote, ah. We aim for heaven by exercising our spirits, by discerning the spiritual force that created and maintains the universe, by seeking to align our ways with the ways of the divine, by striving to cause no harm by word or deed, by seeking others' good, etc.

Aiming at earth suggests avarice and greed. Seeking first of all our own comfort and richness, power and glory, stepping on others to prevent ourselves from being stepped on, believing that might makes right, believing that the physical world is all that there is.

Now, in that light, 'form' can be understood to mean the physical world to the exclusion of all else, to mean an attachment to the world that causes suffering, or even all kinds of attachments, which cause suffering. I can't believe that it refers to all things regardless of attachment, because there is room for pleasures and joy in life even in the Buddhist worldview (I think) as long as they are accepted without grasping.

So in Buddhist thought, letting go of attachment brings enlightenment and joy, as Christian spirituality brings both heavenly joy and earthly pleasures. Jewish thought places more emphasis on bringing God into earthly pleasures, or seeing the pleasures as reminders of God's love, which is another approach to the same basic concepts.
4:21 pm pst

Sunday, December 11, 2005
Seven deadly sins, or is it six fetters?

A recent Buddhist posting lists the six fetters of non-liberation: great hatred, great avarice, great ignorance, great lust, great envy, and great pride. My first thought was that this list bears a great resemblance to the seven deadly sins of the Catholics, which are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth.

The lists both contain pride, lust, and envy. Avarice and greed are essentially the same fault. And anger and hatred are closely related. The Buddhist list has ignorance, which the other list lacks, and the Catholic list has sloth and gluttony, which the Buddhist list lacks. But I think that both traditions could endorse at least some of the thinking behind each of those items.

Entire volumes have been written on the nature of these sins, fetters, or shortcomings, so I feel no need to get into it here. It is interesting, though, that each of those states shares the characteristic that it hijacks our thought processes and decision-making abilities, and colors our world view with its own characteristic filter. When we are in thrall to any of these conditions, we lose track of our own best interests and those of others and make poor decisions. We especially tend to focus on immediate gratification at the expense of long-term benefits.

Take sloth, for example - please. One of my besetting sins, it keeps me from forming a lasting exercise regime. I get into something for a while, yoga, calisthenics, walking, and then lose interest, start to find the routine uninviting, and decide to skip it for a day or two and then - whoops - it's gone. Then it takes me another while to build up pressure enough to get back into motion, and then we go through the cycle again. Color me fettered, periodically.

Another thing I noticed about the lists was that the Buddhist list says that "great" anger is the problem, not just anger. This approach allows us to experience some small degree of these states before they become full-fledged fetters, whereas the Catholic approach seems to see even the smallest amount of anger as a deadly sin, which is pretty unrealistic by me.

Although avoiding these fetters and sins is a good idea, finding opportunities to foster good attitudes and activities strikes me as a better one. So, let's not only seek to avoid the negative but also accentuate the positive.
1:54 pm pst

Friday, December 9, 2005
Attachments come unstuck

eventually, or so says this bit of Buddhist wisdom:

There simply is nothing to which we can attach ourselves, no matter how hard we try. In time, things will change and the conditions that produced our current desires will be gone. Why then cling to them now?

I'm not so sure about the first sentence. If it were literally true, there would be no need to teach against attachment. What I think it means is both that attachments don't produce happiness and that the object attached to or the attachment itself will fail or fade after a certain time.

For example, we can attach ourselves to a person, but the person will eventually change, leave us, or die, and the attachment itself is a fragile thing anyway.

The point of the saying is that the cause of the attachment will fade in time, and in the meanwhile it is causing harm to us - whether it is fulfilled or not. So it is wisest not to cling to the desire (which includes trying to fulfill it) but instead to turn one's attention elsewhere and wait for it to pass.

Which sounds all well and good, but may be difficult to put into practice. Some desires are legitimate needs instead of problematic desires, e.g., Wanting dinner or money to pay the mortgage seems acceptable to me - my stomach and the bank wouldn't accept it if I just waited for those desires to pass. Probably a good place to start separating attachments from legitimate wants is the eight-fold path or ten commandments or whatever ethical system you endorse. I think that the desire to engage in any behavior that fulfills one of these ethical imperatives is probably not an attachment to be avoided.

But it may also be to some extent the degree of investment in addition to the object that constitutes attachment. So perhaps there can be too much of a good thing, i.e., too much attention lavished in a good cause could constitute an attachment.

Anyway, In time, things will change and the conditions that produced our current desires will be gone. and there is nothing so certain as change. And nothing so futile as attempts to keep things the same (writes she who is thoroughly change-averse). So it's a good idea to at least try to tread lightly in life and not cling too tightly to anything, knowing that all things, and people, are subject to change without notice.
2:07 pm pst

Wednesday, December 7, 2005
The Busyness of Life

Here's a bit of Buddhist wisdom especially suited to the holiday shopping season:

How very happily we live, free from busyness among those who are busy. Among busy people, free from busyness we dwell.

I see this saying as making a distinction between the necessary business of life - caring for our bodies, keeping a roof over our heads, and making our contribution to the world - and unnecessary busyness - addictive behaviors, greedy over-acquisition, gluttony, obsessions and compulsions, and so on.

It also refers, I think, to the spirit in which we approach our days, in a frantic, scattered way or in a calm centered way.

One example of scatteredness that occurred to me when I thought about this saying is my committee - a group of voices in my mind that speaks up from time to time when a charged subject comes to my attention. When the committee is in session, at least two conflicting voices clamor for my attention, with the usual result that I am agitated and paralyzed. I can also get paralyzed when I have too many projects awaiting my attention, or a single project that seems overwhelming. Whether it's business or busyness, the committee is undecided about whether I will be able to get the job(s) done, with the result that I put off even starting them.

Sometimes, though, my committee acquires a chairperson. A calm, motherly sort of woman stands up and tells the frightened voices that she has heard them, but that past experience shows that the fears are unfounded. I have done these tasks before, so I can do them again. Or if I haven't done them before, then other people have, and I'm as smart and capable as most people. And if the project(s) seem overwhelming in size, the chair tells the gang that I don't have to do it all at once. I do one step, which I can do, and then I do the next step, which I can do, just focus on one step at a time. I can do that.

And if I have several chores of varying degrees of difficulty in the queue, sometimes picking off the easier ones can help build my confidence enough to help me push through the barrier surrounding more difficult chores.
2:56 pm pst

Sunday, November 27, 2005
Sailing with an even keel

I've been back on my most successful medication, the one that includes Prozac, for about a month now, and I'm beginning to see again how much more efficacious it is than the other medicines.

When I think about what's happening in my life now and what's coming in the near future, I don't feel worried or anxious or guilty. I'm even catching up on long-neglected chores, because I'm no longer paralyzed by the 'boundary trauma' that kept me from taking the first step of accomplishing them. I'm not fretting about a concert that I'll be playing in next Saturday; it will go as well or poorly as it will go and then it will be over.

Actually, the only thing that I'm the least bit concerned about is my plans to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I usually have some trouble distinguishing between excitement and anxiety, you see. And I might get too excited at the big-screen adventures of my favorite wizard and have the excitement slide into significant anxiety. On the other hand, if having more fun than I can handle is the biggest of my worries, I'm in pretty good shape. Thanks be.
5:30 pm pst

Friday, November 25, 2005
Control and joy

Here's an interesting bit of Buddhist wisdom:

It is good to control your words and thoughts. The seeker who is in control feels free and joyful. Listen to that seeker who guards his tongue and speaks wisely. Such a one is humble and does not exalt himself.
Not having as much control over my thoughts and speech as I'd like, I can't vouch for the accuracy of this sentiment, but I can sure analyze the heck out of it. Mostly I wonder if there's supposed to be a cause-and-effect relationship between the two types of control and the two states described. That is, does controlling one's thoughts lead to feeling free and joyful, and controlling one's speech lead to humility? Maybe.

Or maybe the relationship is circular: Feeling free and joyful leads to feelings of humility which lead to the controlling of one's speech, which leads to controlling one's thoughts, which leads to feelng free and joyful, etc.

Or maybe there's no special connection between the two types of control and the two states of mind; they're all desirable goals and they all influence each other.

I do sometimes try to control my thoughts to the extent of pushing out or turning away from anxiety-inducing thoughts that have no basis in fact (one doctor called them 'delusions of doom'). I also try not to dwell on other unhelpful thoughts that come to my attention. As to controlling what I say, I do that some of the time, too. I even occasionally speak wisely. And, while feelings of freedom, joy, and humility are not daily occurrences for me, they are also not entirely unknown. So, who knows, maybe there's something in this saying!
6:12 pm pst

Thursday, November 24, 2005
Thanksgiving

Today's bit of Buddhist wisdom is from the Buddha himself, and is remarkably modern in tone:

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us be thankful.

I think it seems so modern because it's so pragmatic in approach. It keeps to the basic and universal and true. Anybody who is reading the words is probably learning a little, and is certainly alive - and these are things worthy of thanksgiving. And with a little thought we can probably find a few other matters in our lives for which to be thankful.

For example, I've made a mental note to again thank the friend who hooked me up with my cat Molly, who is the sweetest and most beautiful cat with whom I've shared a home. And my thankfulness goes beyond the friend to God, who is behind all things and doings.

Speaking of which, I'm going to be doing Thanksgiving at friends' apartment this year, and am grateful for that as well.

Happy Turkey Day.

11:38 am pst
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Almost but not quite there

I wanted to think out loud for a bit about this phenomenon that I've experienced often when driving to a place that I've driven to before. After I've made the last turn, I drive for a while and start to lose confidence that I'm still heading towards my goal - I start thinking that I should have reached my destination by now, and that I must have inadvertently driven past it.

It's a form of impatience, no doubt. I've navigated all the turns correctly and I want my reward now. But why should I suspect myself of having made an error when I've done the right thing so far? Simply because the long-awaited arrival hasn't taken place yet?

I dunno. Maybe there's no moral to this story.
3:31 pm pst

Monday, November 21, 2005

Moral, morals, and morale

I've been wondering a bit about the connection, or not, between these concepts.

As a writer and editor, I start with the dictionary. 'Moral' is both a noun and an adjective. As a noun, it means 'the moral significance or practical lesson (as of a story)' or a 'passage pointing out the lesson to be drawn from a story.'

'Moral' the adjective means 'ethical,' 'expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior,' 'conforming to a standard of right behavior,' etc.

'Moral' the noun is closer in meaning to 'moral' the adjective when it is in the plural; 'morals' are 'moral practices, or modes of conduct.'

'Morale' began close in meaning to 'moral,' but branched out. It originally meant 'moral principles, teachings, or conduct,' but it then developed the meaning of the 'mental and emotional condition of an individual or group with regard to the function or tasks at hand,' and thence to a 'sense of common purpose with respect to a group,' and thence to the 'level of individual psychological well-being based on such factors as a sense of purpose and confidence in the future.'

Then there's 'demoralize,' which started out to mean 'to corrupt the morals of,' but has come to mean 'to weaken the morale or,' to discourage or dispirit,' 'to upset or destroy the normal functioning of,' or 'to throw into disorder.'

So, the moral of a story is the moral lesson contained in it, or the sentence pointing out the lesson taught by it. Morale may have sprung from its original meaning of moral conduct via a concept such as 'right livelihood,' meaning that one should feel satisfaction in one's labors if they are to a good end. And if one's efforts are directed towards ill ends or are frustrated by others, then one may well feel demoralized. Or if no useful work is available and one is unable to think of something worthwhile to do, then one might also be demoralized.

In theory, though, a relatively healthy human being has little excuse for being demoralized by boredom, because there are always useful things that one can do, even while riding the bus or waiting in line. A sense of purpose and confidence in the future, however, are not always easily come by; they may be unavailable, for example, to a person who is depressed.

One arena where the issue of morale arose for many of us was 'school spirit.' Why this concept invariably arose in the context of sports eluded me. It should also have applied to a school's choirs, debate teams, knowledge bowl teams, computer programmers, etc. Let's hear it for the nerds!

Well, I'm rambling a bit. May our morals and morale be high.
1:58 pm pst

Friday, November 11, 2005
Nifty sights

I saw two wonders of nature yesterday. In the morning there were puffy gray clouds that covered much of the sky. Through a rift in the clouds, however, shone rays from the sun. I couldn't see the sun itself, but the lines of the rays were drawn clearly from the rent in the clouds to the ground.

In the afternoon I saw a flock of birds swooping and soaring in the sky. They all turn at once, right and left, and back and forth, and up and down. They seem to change in shape as they turn in the air. I believe that they are gathering insects from the sky, but whatever they're doing, it's magical, and I've been known to sit down and just watch them until my neck gets sore.

There are specific Jewish blessings for various kinds of natural wonders. I continue to struggle with the concept of using canned blessings for specific situations.

It seems to me that there must have been a particularly holy man who was in the habit of thanking God for the good things in his life and he got into the habit of using particular prayers for them, and his followers so wanted to be like him that they copied every word that came from his mouth in the hope that it would make them as holy as he was.

I'm pretty sure that we and God get the full benefit of our wonder and gratitude as long as it is from the heart, no matter how it is expressed.
2:17 pm pst

Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Comfortable habits

There's a saying that goes:

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

I got to wondering what qualifies as a bad habit for purposes of this saying. Any habit that's easy to get into? Any habit that seeks to increase our comfort?

To avoid the easy and shun the comfortable seem to me like a cross between the ascetic and the pathological. On the other hand, a complete focus on ease and comfort errs in the opposite direction. This strikes me as a happy medium or golden mean area.

Take exercise, for example. It's easiest to avoid it altogether, and it seems comfortable to do so. Then, however, the body begins to fall apart, and the discomfort of not exercising begins to overtake the discomfort of exercising. One then wants to gradually develop a habit of doing whatever form of gentle exercise is sufficiently pleasant (or least repulsive) to stick.
4:25 pm pst

Friday, November 4, 2005
Desires achieved

A recent bit of Buddhist wisdom was:

Desires achieved increase thirst like salt water.

I've noticed that happening with respect to eating. Some foods I really can't eat just one of - unless I've thought it through in advance and promised myself not to. A friend of mine calls such foods 'moreish,' because they leave you wanting more.

In a related vein, I've been noticing the anticipatory sadness that I feel towards the end of a particularly pleasant experience. Because I know it's going to end soon, and then it will be over. And I wish it could continue indefinitely.

Of course, that's not the most skillful way to view things, and maybe I should be appreciating the experience even more as the end nears, but that's not the way it's working for me just now.

Just a couple of thoughts on a Friday afternoon.
4:28 pm pst

Tuesday, November 1, 2005
Degrees of knowing

I was standing in the elevator the other day with a woman I did not know, and another woman boarded the elevator and greeted her, perhaps by name. The first woman returned the greeting, and they both got off on the same floor.

Nothing unusual about that, but it got me to thinking that they knew each other and wondering how well they knew each other. I have known people in many varying degrees of closeness, and I imagine that there are many more gradations of knowing with which I'm unfamiliar.

My levels of knowing are something like the following:
Her face looks a bit familiar.
I know her from somewhere.
I think she works in my building
I bet she goes to synagogue.
I'd recognize her name if I heard it.
That's Joan Smith.
I've got a good /bad feeling about her.
I think we did/went to Y together.
I always thought she was a Z kind of person.
When she comes to mind, I pray for her - May she be kind and loving; may she be peaceful and at ease; may she be well; may she be happy.
I accept invitations from her.
I make invitations to her.
I know some things she dis/likes.
I can finish her sentences.
I know when she's feeling tired or in pain.
I can answer questions before she asks them.
10:26 am pst

Monday, October 31, 2005
Comfort and enthusiasm

Today's quote comes from Charles Kingsley:

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.

Comfort has been one of my chief goals in life. I think that this value came to me from my paternal grandfather, who, along with Grandma, raised me and my brother through elementary school. He enjoyed smoking cigars and reading the newspaper and always wore comfortable clothes. I was dressed up like a little doll some of the time, and, once I had control over my own clothes, also made comfort the determining factor.

In terms of bodily discomfort, however, my response is not always geared to relieving it as soon as possible. E.g., when I have a cold, I don't usually think to take medications that assuage the symptoms. I mostly wait to feel better, but sometimes work on strengthening my immune system or trying to beat the underlying infection.

In general, though, I seek comfort, even though other values might be more fulfilling and praiseworthy. Oh well.

On rereading this entry, I noticed that I forgot to write anything about enthusiasm. That shows where my head is at. The word comes from Greek roots meaning filled with God. To use Latin roots instead, an enthusiastic person is inspired by something, lifted above himself or herself by a consuming interest in something outside herself or himself.

Having something to be enthusiastic about does tend to make one happy. I feel good when I'm excited about an artistic project, a development at work, an upcoming massage, a new purchase, a natural wonder, or an engrossing concept. I've even used explaining a legal concept as treatment for a panic attack, and pretty effective it is, too.

Enthusiasm is fun; it lowers stress and stimulates the production of endorphins and does all that other good stuff for us. Unless the subject of the enthusiasm is illegal, or unless it slips over into mania or addiction, it's pretty hard to have too much enthusiasm.

Good stuff, enthusiasm.
11:47 am pst

Sunday, October 30, 2005
Disciplined mind

Today's bit of Buddhist wisdom is as follows:

It is necessary to cultivate some discipline of mind, for an undisciplined mind always finds excuses to act selfishly and thoughtlessly. When the mind is undisciplined, the body is also undisciplined, and so is speech and action.

Try though I might, I haven't been able to instill much discipline into my mind. My meditation practice could be more focused and persistent, I suppose, but I have spent at least a few minutes each day trying to meditate.

The effects of an undisciplined mind, however, I experience often. I have often said that I have a committee in my mind, with several different voices clamoring for my attention, especially when I have decisions to make. When I pay heed to the loudest voice, it often leads me in less than ideal directions. Laziness, for example, usually drowns out the small voice touting the beneficial effects of exercise.

I can see how there would be ripple effects from a disciplined mind. Meanwhile, I'll keep working on meditation and hope for the best.
6:26 pm pst

Friday, October 28, 2005
The father of all musicians

Today's reading is from the first Torah portion of the annual cycle, from the beginning of the book of Genesis:

Lamech took to himself two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other was Zillah. Adah bore Jabal; he was the ancestor of those who dwell in tents and amidst herds. And the name of his brother was Jubal; he was the ancestor of all who play the lyre and the pipe. As for Zillah, she bore Tubal-cain, who forged all implements of copper and iron. And the sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah.

Let's skip lightly over the matter of polygamy - such arrangements were not uncommon in those days.

What interests me in this portion is Jubal, the ancestor of all who play the lyre and the pipe, that is, stringed instruments and wind instruments. This suggests that musical interests and abilities ran in families, which I believe that they do - to a certain extent. Think of the Trapp Family Singers, and the Boone family, and the Romero guitar dynasty. In my own family, my father played piano and my mother sang. I play rudimentary piano and sing, and play guitar and recorders.

However, musical talents also crop up in otherwise unmusical families, although they may not receive a whole lot of nurturing there.

I also get the picture of Biblical musicianship as a kind of guild, one that was open only to members of the musical family. Where there were family secrets of music making that were not disseminated outside the chosen few.

I wonder also about instrument making. It must have been part of the deal; I can't imagine that important a part of the musical craft being laid outside the magic circle.

And I imagine that music making at least began as a male only occupation. However, Biblical women are reported as having written great poetry, at least some of which they sang. So, they were at least allowed to sing, and to play instruments enough to accompany themselves on the lyre or timbrel.

Anyway, let's hear it for Jubal, the ancestor of all musicians.
9:44 am pdt

Monday, October 24, 2005
MIndful recorder playing

Here's a little something I wrote for the newsletter of the San Francisco Chapter of the American Recorder Society. Since I've become president of the chapter, I've been volunteered to write a monthly message for the newsletter. Here's my most recent offering:

I’ve been a practitioner of Transcendental Meditation for many years, off and on. It’s a form of mantra meditation, where you repeat a certain word or words silently over and over again, trying to keep any any other thought or image from entering your mind. There are many other forms of meditation, such as counting one’s breaths, looking at a candle, following each train of thought for a few seconds and then letting it go, and so on.

The main point of meditation is to quiet one’s mind, so one can relate to life in a more vibrant and authentic way. Learning to think of one thing at a time also helps one to be more mindful, that is, to be focused on the present and not on the past or future. To be fully present in the moment, and not absent minded. To borrow a phrase, to be here now.

Playing music both furthers meditative goals and reveals how well we are progressing towards those goals. To play music well, we have to be fully present to it, with our minds completely focused on each note and phrase as it passes. If we stop to think about how well or poorly we are playing, then we lose focus and the playing suffers. However, sometimes we can notice our attention drifting away and are able to wrestle it back into focus before our playing falls apart.

Let us play recorders mindfully and enjoy both the music itself and the benefits of our musical meditation.
1:52 pm pdt

Saturday, October 22, 2005
Metaphors for God

And here's the other sermon:

The other day I was standing on a hillside in Noe Valley and looking towards downtown. Where I was, the fog had started rolling in and the sky was gray. Not so downtown, which was still in the bright sun. I thought at the time that it was somehow sad to be under the clouds while it was sunny nearby. But now I think differently.

The sun is always shining. It sheds its life-giving warmth and light on the Earth at all times. We may not see the sun because our part of the world is turned away from it, or because clouds are coming between us and the sun, but it is always there in the sky.

So too is our relationship with God. The Creator of the universe is always there, giving life to all and illuminating the world with sparks of holiness.

The sun is as near to us as our skin, which it warms, yet is unimaginably distant from Earth. So too God is as near to us as our breathing yet is indescribably Other.

We humans, and plants, and animals need the sun to prosper and grow, yet give us too much sun and we burn or go blind. Experiencing the presence of God can exalt us, and comfort us, and fill us with joy and peace, but we cannot look directly at God and live.

These features of the son made it an object of worship by early peoples, for example, the Egyptians who worshiped the sun god Ra. Some of the nations of Canaan worshiped not only the sun but also the moon and stars. In Devarim chapter 4, "And when you look up to the sky and behold the sun and the moon and the stars, the whole heavenly host, you must not be lured into bowing down to them or serving them. These Adonai your God allotted to the other peoples everywhere under heaven."

That’s not to prevent us from being thankful for the sun. Without it there would be no life on earth. But it is part of God’s creation, not a god. "God made the two great lights, the greater light to dominate the day and the lesser light to dominate the night, and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the sky to shine upon the earth, to dominate the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that this was good." We praise God for the creation of the ‘heavenly host’ in the Ma’ariv Aravim prayer, "With wisdom You open the gates of dawn. You create day and night, rolling light away from darkness and darkness away from light."
Although the sun is not to be worshiped, it is a valid reason for thanks, and is an excellent metaphor for God.

The Torah and prayerbook present many metaphors for God, God as creator, God as redeemer, God as monarch, God as parent. I’d like to look into a metaphor that appears in this week’s Torah and Haftarah portions.

Our Torah portion was introduced in last week’s portion, where God tells Moses that the Israelites will "act wickedly and turn away from the path which I enjoined upon you, and that in time to come misfortune will befall you for having done evil in the sight of Adonai and vexed Him by your deeds." God tells Moses to "write down this poem and teach it to the people of Israel; put it in their mouths, in order that this poem may be My witness against the people of Israel."
So our portion is a long poem in which Moses extols the goodness of God and decries the wickedness of Israel.

The primary metaphor for God in the poem is ‘the rock.’ This metaphor is common in Scripture and song. The word for rock in Hebrew is tsur, as in Tsur Yisrael, from the Shacharit service, where we sing: ‘O Rock of Israel, come to Israel’s help.’ In Maoz Tsur, a Chankah song, we sing, "Rock of Ages, let our song praise Thy saving power." At the end of Psalm 19 come the words Adonai Tzuri v Goali, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O God, my rock and my redeemer."

The Torah portion proclaims God as the Rock, whose deeds are perfect and whose ways are just; a faithful God, never false, true and upright." In the statement that God is never false, the poem appears to mean that God keeps God’s promises and speaks only what is true. The concept of rock suggests a reference to the unchanging nature of God. This image paints God as fixed, solid, like a rock. Even though God cannot be completely described and has at least as many descriptions as there are people, this metaphor suggests that we can count on God to be the same over the eons, even if our perceptions of God change mightily over time.

Later on Moses’ poem charges Israel with having forsaken the God who made us and spurned the Rock of our support. Rock is good for supporting houses; it makes a fine material for the foundation of a house because it is strong and holds its shape. Houses built on rock withstand wind and rain, and earthquake. This metaphor suggests that God is unshakeable, unmovable. When we base our lives on God, we have a permanent support.

The Haftarah, which is a song of David, calls God "my crag, my fastness, my deliverer! O God, the rock wherein I take shelter, my shield, my mighty champion, my fortress and refuge, my savior." One shelter made of rock would be a cave. A person in a cave is protected from the elements, and is somewhat shielded from wild animals and attackers. Rock also comes in the form of a fortress, with strong walls that protect against enemies. It’s a little harder seeing rock in the guise of a champion and deliverer. Perhaps we’re talking about rocks as weapons, flung at one’s enemies by means of a sling or catapult. These metaphors picture God as saving us from our enemies and enabling us to conquer them. As to what enemies we need God’s help to conquer, I’ll leave that for each of you to decide.

Like the sun, God sheds life-giving warmth and light on the Earth at all times. Like rock, God is our support, shelter, and fortress. May we each know God as the sun in our lives and as the rock of our refuge. Kein y’hi ratson.

6:27 pm pdt

Sermon on contracts

Sorry about the long delay. I've been writing sermons and co-leading services and doing all sorts of other stuff.

Here's the first of my two recent sermons:

This week's portion, Nitzavim, is the climax of Moses's last oration. Primarily, it summarizes the covenant between God and Israel, and states the benefits that will result from keeping the covenant and the sanctions that will follow its breach.

Now, covenant is just a fancy word for contract. And a contract, as anyone who has been to law school knows, is formed from three elements, offer, acceptance, and consideration. Consideration, in this context, does not mean being thoughtful. It means that there is a quid pro quo, that each party to the contract does something for or gives something to the other party.
The party of the second part in this contract is individual Jews. The opening of this portion says that the covenant is being entered into by all of the people, tribal heads, elders and officials, all the men of Israel, their children and wives, even the stranger within the camp. And it is being entered into both with "those who are standing here with us this day before Adonai our God and with those who are not with us here this day." That is, Jews of all times and all places.
The idea of standing before God suggests the tradition of standing in the presence of royalty. It brings to mind the practice of standing during the major prayers in the service. Then there’s standing to take an oath, to mark the solemnity and importance of the occasion. Of course the people may also have been standing simply to hear better.

The covenant was formed when God gave the commandments to Moses and the people agreed to follow them. Offer and acceptance. The consideration is that both parties have accepted obligations: Israel to follow God's commandments and God to take care of Israel.

In this portion God promises to establish Israel as God's people, to inflict curses on our enemies and foes, and to grant abounding prosperity in all our undertakings, the issue of our womb (a provision that is presumably addressed to the women in attendance), the offspring of our cattle, and the produce of our soil. We promise to return to God and heed the divine commands with all our heart and soul.

The penalties for us breaking this contract are severe. In law school, we learned that there is no moral fault in breaking contracts; we can break contracts all day long if we are willing and able to pay the other party for all damages resulting from the breach. For the person who breaks our contract with God, however, especially by worshiping the gods of other nations, the penalties are fierce. "Adonai will never forgive him; rather will Adonai's anger and passion rage against that man, till every sanction recorded in this book comes down upon him, and Adonai blots out his name from under heaven." Being more specific, the portion lists misfortune, plagues, and infertile soil as resulting from breach of the covenant.

Part of the portion seems as if it were written much later, after the destruction of the temple and the dispossession of the Jews: "When all these things befall you–the blessing and the curse that I have set before you–and you take them to heart amidst the various nations to which Adonai your God has banished you, and you return to Adonai your God, and you and your children heed His command with all your heart and soul, just as I enjoin upon you this day, then Adonai your God will restore your fortunes and take you back in love. He will bring you together again from all the peoples where Adonai your God has scattered you. ... And Adonai your God will bring you to the land which your fathers occupied, and you shall occupy it; and He will make you more prosperous and more numerous than your fathers."

Towards the end of the portion, Moses tells the people: Surely, this instruction which I enjoin upon you this day is not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond reach. It is not in the heavens, that you should say, "Who among us can go up to the heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?" Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?" No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it."

No secret teachings need to be discovered to follow the covenant. All is open and simple. At least it seemed so then. In the intervening years much has been written about the Torah and many many fences have been built around it, and there is plenty of teaching that is neither open nor simple. However, the basic question is simple - do we accept this contract or reject it?
The last paragraph of this portion is as follows:

See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity. For I command you this day, to love Adonai your God, to walk in God's ways, and to keep God's commandments, God's laws, and God's rules, that you may thrive and increase, and that Adonai your God may bless you in the land that you are about to enter and possess. But if your heart turns away and you give no heed, and are lured into the worship and service of other gods, I declare to you this day that you shall certainly perish; you shall not long endure on the soil that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life–if you and your offspring would live–by loving Adonai your God, heeding God's commands and holding fast to God. For thereby you shall have life and shall long endure upon the soil that Adonai your God swore to your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give to them."

This paragraph uses three phrases to describe breaching the covenant, by turning our hearts away from God, paying no heed to God's commandments, and being lured into the worship of other gods. Making it a breach to turn one’s heart away from God sounds like an there’s an emotional component to the covenant. That it is not only our will and deeds that are involved, but also our thoughts and feelings. And the ritual observances, from Shabbat through Tisha b’Av and the High Holy Days do have their appropriate feelings - joy, grief, remorse. I find it hard to feel an emotion just because the calendar says that it’s time for that emotion. But coming together in a community and reading the prayers and singing the songs all help to create and fortify the appropriate mood.

Paying heed to the commandments should be simple, but Reform Jews have adopted a flexible approach to adopting and adhering to the commandments. And the complexities of determining which commandments are no longer meaningful are a subject beyond the scope of this sermon.
What does it mean to be lured into the worship and service of other gods? Most of us don’t sacrifice to Moloch or Baal these days, or worship fetishes of wood and stone, silver and gold, or bow down to the sun and moon and stars. On the other hand, I do read my horoscope, and occasionally call on the parking goddess for help. God’ll probably get me for that. But, no, the worship that threatens our relationship with God these days is more apt to be placing something before our obligations as Jews. Most of us at least occasionally worship some of the gods of the 21st century, such as materialism, hedonism, selfishness, arrogance, and stinginess. And most of us could profit from pondering the nature of our personal gods in this time of self-examination and repentance. But there will be help for us in that endeavor. As the portion says: "Then the LORD your God will open up your heart and the hearts of your offspring to love the LORD your God with all your heart and soul, in order that you may live."
6:23 pm pdt

Saturday, October 1, 2005
Faith moves mountains/us

Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav wrote:

Faith is the foundation of all spiritual quest...the root of all teaching and practice...the channel for every benefit and blessing.

He's got an important point there. I'm defining faith in this context as the belief that what we do and who we are is important - that it makes some difference to the universe, or even just to ourselves, how we think and behave.

Without that belief, there's no reason to work on ourselves, to try to get more in touch with the universe and with the best within ourselves. Without that belief, there's no reason to meet with like-minded others, to study, or to pray. Without that belief, there's not even reason to get out of bed, let alone to go to work. Unless what we do matters in some way, why bother? Unless we view the day as a gift, there isn't much reason to go out to receive it, and to want to share the gift with others.

Without faith that Someone hears our prayers, why pray? Or at least, without faith that praying helps us, why pray?

Which brings me to the hours to be spent in synagogue for the High Holy Days. When I look at the number and length of services involved (and am very grateful that I'm not leading any of them), I start to feel weak at the knees and a bit faint. As Ashleigh Brilliant put it (more or less): I try to take things one day at a time, but sometimes several days gang up on me at once.

But I don't need to let them gang up on me. By 'being here now,' I can avoid thinking ahead and letting all of the events land on me at once. I'll be attending the services one at a time, and can limit my attention and strength to that service then. Any other approach is counter-productive.

Also, I just read this neat article about reading in the synagogue during boring bits of the service, - uplifting spiritual materials, of course, but nonetheless something other than the prayerbook. Apparently some rabbis even encourage congregants to do this. As it happens, I own one of the books that was recommended in the article and plan to tuck it into my tallis bag this year.

Anyway, a sweet and healthy 5766 to you all.
12:20 pm pdt