I spend far too much time thinking about things I should be doing. This is a fruitless and often painful activity, but I continue to indulge in it. Why?
Well. My thought processes are not uniform. A whole committee of voices participates in my decision-making, and they pull in opposing directions. For example, I have a childish member who really enjoys thumbing her nose at the others, saying "Nyah, nyah. You can't make me. So there." An older committee member protests that my status as retired means that I don't have to do anything I don't want to.
But many members of the committee feel lazy, guilty, ashamed, and unworthy to live when I'm choosing to read or play games on my devices instead of creating something, taking care of business, reaching out to friends, stretching, or just getting out of the house. Shouldn't feeling that bad outweigh the pleasures of doing my own thing?
Then I look more closely into the members who advocate for inaction, and find one who is shy, another who is slightly agoraphobic, and a third who is convinced that keeping still and silent keeps me from the attention of some great, malign force. That's pretty powerful stuff.
On the third hand, the other committee members feel competent, capable, and energized by getting stuff done. But even they are undercut by the knowledge that most of the stuff will have to be done again not too long from now.
I have confronted the problem of "shoulding" on myself many times in the past, and come up with two ways of coping. One, which rose to the status of a resolution one year, is to view each "should" as having only two possible responses: either do or not do (and let myself off the hook for not doing); there is no leaving it undone while beating myself up for not doing it. The second approach is advice I formulated for myself as a retiree: do as much fun stuff as my body and emotions can handle, and as much good as I need to do to preserve my self-esteem.
The first, Yoda-like, approach calls for moment-by-moment mindfulness. The second calls for planning future activities to balance pleasure and productivity, and then to carry out those plans.
Perfectionism sometimes gets in the way of making plans. Many of my committee members strive so heartily for perfection that they cannot decide what to eat or watch on TV without obsessing. The saner members of my committee frequently have to remind them that at every point in life there are many good enough choices, and no single perfect one. Moreover, any particular choice that seems to be working out badly can usually be abandoned and a different choice made. Very few choices are carved in stone. Each new moment I can do something different. This is not an affirmation or aspiration, but a statement of fact. Being alive and human means having the ability to make different choices. Choices are what living consists of. Every moment is an ocean of possibilities, a sea of opportunities limited only by my imagination.
And maybe that's my problem -- a failure of imagination. My whole career and avocation have been in non-fiction writing. I haven't created characters, worlds, or plots. On the other hand, every now and then I imagine an invention that might be useful, but don't do anything with the idea. Maybe there's an inventors' suggestion box somewhere where I could pass these ideas on to someone who could either realize them or tell me who has already done it.
Then I start to wonder if I should be doing warm-up exercises for my imagination. Or would that just be another way to "should" on myself?
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Computer Woes
Watching my computer twiddle its little electronic thumbs is the new "watching paint dry," but worse. At least you have a painted wall after watching paint dry. A watched computer, however, may never boil. If it does stop twiddling, the odds of it having completed the assigned task are about even.
Computers are so frustrating. When they're good, they're very very good--and fast--so that our expectations are set very very high. On the other hand, when seconds and then minutes pass while it twiddles, it feels like hours, seems like days, and creates despair.
At the moment, I've just optimized one disk drive that needed it. The other drive that needed it wouldn't even let me try to optimize it. So I figured that a restart might help. Well, it might help, if the machine were to let me restart it. But no, it's stuck on the "welcome" screen where I've typed in my password, and now, five minutes later, the little twiddling animation has frozen in its tracks. Which is a really bad sign. I feel a 'control-alt-delete' coming on. Cross fingers. Nope. Now what?!
So I held down the power switch until the machine shut off, then turned it back on. Now we're back to the twiddling welcome screen--take two. And now it's frozen again. Bummer.
Computers are so frustrating. When they're good, they're very very good--and fast--so that our expectations are set very very high. On the other hand, when seconds and then minutes pass while it twiddles, it feels like hours, seems like days, and creates despair.
At the moment, I've just optimized one disk drive that needed it. The other drive that needed it wouldn't even let me try to optimize it. So I figured that a restart might help. Well, it might help, if the machine were to let me restart it. But no, it's stuck on the "welcome" screen where I've typed in my password, and now, five minutes later, the little twiddling animation has frozen in its tracks. Which is a really bad sign. I feel a 'control-alt-delete' coming on. Cross fingers. Nope. Now what?!
So I held down the power switch until the machine shut off, then turned it back on. Now we're back to the twiddling welcome screen--take two. And now it's frozen again. Bummer.
Friday, November 10, 2017
Liberal Values
I have some thoughts about an interview with Jonathan Haidt on the moral values
of liberals and conservatives. His episode of the podcast On Being was entitled “The Psychology of Self-Righteousness.” See
onbeing.org (10/19/17 podcast).
He and other
researchers used a standardized test to separate liberals from conservatives.
Then they asked liberal people to take the test as if they were conservative,
and vice versa. What grabbed my attention was that conservatives are a whole
lot better than liberals at putting themselves in the other side’s shoes. As a
card-carrying liberal, I was shocked and offended. Aren’t we at least as smart
as conservatives?
Haidt said
in the podcast that people who study the bases of morality generally recognize
five major values: kindness, fairness, loyalty, authority, and sanctity or
purity.
All five
values are recognized in most human societies that have been studied. The
prevailing theory is that they evolved along with humans because they give us
the ability to form stable groups involving more than a single family, groups
whose members cooperate with each other to feed, shelter, and defend themselves.
These abilities meant that more of us survived, so natural selection promoted people
using these values.
As time passed,
some of these values lost their allure to some people. In cultures that are
western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic, the rights of
individuals are held at least as strongly as values that support group
identity. In particular, while kindness and fairness remain valued among
liberals and conservatives alike, liberals do not join conservatives in placing
equal value on loyalty, authority, and sanctity.
One theory
about this difference is that liberals hold a sixth value – liberty or freedom.
As a result, we abhor oppression by anyone. While conservatives value loyalty
against betrayal, authority against subversion, and sanctity against
degradation, liberals fear these values as the basis of racism, misogyny, and
authoritarianism.
It seems to
me that conservatives place limited value on liberty. As far as I can tell,
they value liberty only in the sense that they don’t want the government to
keep them from getting as rich as possible or from oppressing others. For example, conservatives
resist regulations to bar banks from making risky bets with depositors’ money.
Also, some Christians argue that their religious liberty gives them the right
to discriminate against LGBT people, and to impose their own rules about
abortion and contraception on all women, whether Christian or not. I think that
most liberals recognize the right of groups to set standards for their own
adherents, but not to impose them on outsiders.
To return to
the original question, I think we liberals are bad at putting ourselves in the mindset
of conservatives because we don’t share their respect for the values of
authority, loyalty, and sanctity. We don’t just fail to understand these other
values, we actively reject them as leading to oppression.
Perhaps we liberals
can appreciate the values of authority, loyalty, and sanctity (or at least understand
them enough to hold civil conversations with conservatives) if we temper them
with the principles of liberty and freedom.
Placing
final authority in a single human leader strikes us liberals as opening the
door to tyranny. We believe that the
checks and balances created in our Constitution are necessary defenses against
authoritarianism. Perhaps we can recognize that we value authority in the rule
of law, even if we reject rule by a single infallible leader.
Loyalty to America
First can lead us to ignore our duties as human beings to people of other
nations who have come to make their lives in America. We are a nation of
immigrants; even the First Nations migrated here from other lands. Fear of
immigrants comes from viewing our country as a lifeboat that will capsize if
too many board. But America is more like a potluck supper. The more people
come, the more food they bring, and the more varied foods there are for us all.
Perhaps we liberals can appreciate loyalty to our country until it tramples on
the rights of real or suspected immigrants.
Those who
value sanctity often pass laws to impose rules derived from a particular view
of God. Such laws infringe the First Amendment rights of all of us to worship
in our own way. Most religions encourage their adherents to behave with
kindness and fairness. Perhaps we liberals can recognize the value in all
religions without letting any one of them run roughshod over the rights of
those who subscribe to a different religion or to none.
Anyway, that’s
what I hope. If more liberals can recognize that the values held by conservatives
go beyond self-serving hypocrisy, we can hold civil conversations with them,
and perhaps even accomplish some of what we can agree that our country needs.
Friday, September 1, 2017
My Mysterious Watch
Some 20 years ago, I bought a Seiko quartz watch at Costco. It kept better time than the Timexes and Bulovas that preceded it. And I've worn it every day since. I have worn it so thoroughly that I needed to take it at least twice to a jeweler to have scratches sanded off the crystal.
About a week ago, I was shocked to realize that it was running 10 minutes behind the actual time. When the battery has run down in the past, the watch slows down and stops over the course of a day or so. That was a bit weird, but I dutifully went out and bought it a new battery.
A few days later, I discovered that it was 40 minutes behind. So it wasn't the battery. I decided that two decades of service may have been all that the watch had to give, and ordered a new watch online. I ordered another Seiko quartz, but one with more contrast between the colors of the face and hands, And, I happened to notice after choosing it, it runs on solar power.
About three weeks ago, I bought a bracelet of iridescent hematite beads. I rarely wear jewelry, but the beads so mesmerized me that I wore the bracelet every day - mostly on my right wrist. However, for a couple of hours most days, I wear a brace on that wrist, and have been moving the bracelet to my left wrist after I noticed how uncomfortable it was under the brace, and so I could still see the bracelet.
This morning I picked up the bracelet and it brought a political button up with it. I hadn't realized that the beads were magnetic. Had the magnets slowed my watch while I was wearing the bracelet on the same wrist? And if so, did this damage the watch permanently? I hit the Google, and the answers seem to be 'yes' and 'no,' respectively. So I took the bracelet off and put the watch back on. So far, so good. But I don't plan to return the new watch when it arrives. Improved readability and no need for batteries are worth the investment.
About a week ago, I was shocked to realize that it was running 10 minutes behind the actual time. When the battery has run down in the past, the watch slows down and stops over the course of a day or so. That was a bit weird, but I dutifully went out and bought it a new battery.
A few days later, I discovered that it was 40 minutes behind. So it wasn't the battery. I decided that two decades of service may have been all that the watch had to give, and ordered a new watch online. I ordered another Seiko quartz, but one with more contrast between the colors of the face and hands, And, I happened to notice after choosing it, it runs on solar power.
About three weeks ago, I bought a bracelet of iridescent hematite beads. I rarely wear jewelry, but the beads so mesmerized me that I wore the bracelet every day - mostly on my right wrist. However, for a couple of hours most days, I wear a brace on that wrist, and have been moving the bracelet to my left wrist after I noticed how uncomfortable it was under the brace, and so I could still see the bracelet.
This morning I picked up the bracelet and it brought a political button up with it. I hadn't realized that the beads were magnetic. Had the magnets slowed my watch while I was wearing the bracelet on the same wrist? And if so, did this damage the watch permanently? I hit the Google, and the answers seem to be 'yes' and 'no,' respectively. So I took the bracelet off and put the watch back on. So far, so good. But I don't plan to return the new watch when it arrives. Improved readability and no need for batteries are worth the investment.
We Ran Them Out of Town and Had A Party
Last Saturday the Patriot Prayer people had planned to put on a right-wing rally in San Francisco, at Chrissy Field. Despite the violence at the previous marches in Charlottesville, the Federal government granted them a permit. So it was up to the SF government to prevent violence. They fenced in the field and announced that helmets, shields, and sticks that could be used as weapons would not be allowed in. Meanwhile, SF dog owners were planning to 'decorate' the field with dog poo to make it uninviting.
I joined the Jewish Bar Association's Adopt a Nazi campaign, by donating money to the Southern Poverty Law Center (which studies and counters hate groups) on behalf of each of the 300 anticipated rally-goers. The campaign raised more than $160,000.
At the last minute, the Patriots cancelled the rally and announced a press conference to be held in Alamo Square Park. Since that is City property, SF simply closed the park. As it turned out, only counter-demonstrators showed up, and the police escorted them as they marched to join other counter-demonstrators in the Castro and Mission neighborhoods, and in front of City Hall, where speeches and signs gave way to yoga classes and dancing.
Meanwhile, two friends and I joined hundreds of other counter-protestors making our own statement against hate and discrimination, by forming a heart-shaped human banner at Ocean Beach.
The Patriots finally announced that they would hold a press conference later that day in Pacifica, a small town down the coast from SF. In short, we showed those right-wing instigators of violence that we had no room for their kind in San Francisco. We ran them clear out of town without a single injury or drop of blood!
I joined the Jewish Bar Association's Adopt a Nazi campaign, by donating money to the Southern Poverty Law Center (which studies and counters hate groups) on behalf of each of the 300 anticipated rally-goers. The campaign raised more than $160,000.
At the last minute, the Patriots cancelled the rally and announced a press conference to be held in Alamo Square Park. Since that is City property, SF simply closed the park. As it turned out, only counter-demonstrators showed up, and the police escorted them as they marched to join other counter-demonstrators in the Castro and Mission neighborhoods, and in front of City Hall, where speeches and signs gave way to yoga classes and dancing.
Meanwhile, two friends and I joined hundreds of other counter-protestors making our own statement against hate and discrimination, by forming a heart-shaped human banner at Ocean Beach.
The Patriots finally announced that they would hold a press conference later that day in Pacifica, a small town down the coast from SF. In short, we showed those right-wing instigators of violence that we had no room for their kind in San Francisco. We ran them clear out of town without a single injury or drop of blood!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Freedoms are Fragile
Freedoms are fragile.
Slavery ends and voting rights are enacted,
but people of color are subjected to
voter suppression, mass incarceration,
and shootings by police.
Freedoms are fragile.
Women win the vote,
become judges, governors, Senators,
but cannot win the White House.
Freedoms are fragile.
Homosexual celebrities and
transsexuals come out,
but gays and transwomen
are tortured and killed,
here and abroad.
Freedoms are fragile.
Marriage equality becomes
the law of the land.
But court clerks and business people
claim their faith gives them
the right to discriminate against us.
Let's get real.
Fragile freedoms must be won
again and again.
Marching Out of the Closet
In the early years of Congregation Sha'ar Zahav, marching in the Gay Freedom Day parade was a serious commitment. If we were seen marching with a gay group in public, we could lose friends, family, or our job. Most of us were in the closet then, because no laws kept us from being beaten up, fired, institutionalized, or thrown onto the streets for the crime/sin/sickness of being gay.
But three gay men had founded Sha'ar Zahav in 1977, so we could have a safe place to meet with one another -- where we could be who we were as sexual and spiritual beings, and find family who accept us as we are. Even then, some members had so much to lose that we knew them only under pseudonyms. Our circle of safety did not extend beyond our doors.
But three gay men had founded Sha'ar Zahav in 1977, so we could have a safe place to meet with one another -- where we could be who we were as sexual and spiritual beings, and find family who accept us as we are. Even then, some members had so much to lose that we knew them only under pseudonyms. Our circle of safety did not extend beyond our doors.
Prized Possession
As a little girl, I wasn't interested in traditional, dress-up dolls. By the time I started to notice Barbie, I saw myself as too old to bother with her. Now I realize that being a butch lesbian may have lessened my interest in doll dresses.
But I had a troll doll that was dearer to me than life. I distinctly remember having misplaced it once in the large room where we (roughly seven-year-old) children gathered for drama lessons. My agony over its loss brought everything to a halt as we all looked in every corner and under everyone's belongings. I think it was hiding behind an opened door, between the door and the wall. Sighs and shouts of relief could probably be heard in the next county.
I never lost it again. It accompanied me across the country and as I ping-ponged from Northern California to Southern California and back again.
I think it was during my junior high years that I bought a pattern for troll doll clothes, and made two little jackets out of felt. By that time, I had acquired a second troll. The first one had long straight black hair, and the other had shorter, frizzy magenta hair. Neither of them has, to this day, a name or even a gender. But both have a place of honor on my bookshelves.
At around the same time, I carved a copy of a troll doll out of a fat, cylindrical candle. I don't have the carving any more. I probably gave it to whomever I was crushing on at the time.
Why am I so attached to a funny looking androgynous sprite with short limbs and big ears? Clearly, I identified with it. I myself am short, androgynous, and not conventionally pretty. And I have hair of impressive straightness, which is the only thing about me that is straight. The only troll attribute I lack is big ears. So, when my troll alter ego went missing all those years ago, it was like I had misplaced a part of myself.
But I had a troll doll that was dearer to me than life. I distinctly remember having misplaced it once in the large room where we (roughly seven-year-old) children gathered for drama lessons. My agony over its loss brought everything to a halt as we all looked in every corner and under everyone's belongings. I think it was hiding behind an opened door, between the door and the wall. Sighs and shouts of relief could probably be heard in the next county.
I never lost it again. It accompanied me across the country and as I ping-ponged from Northern California to Southern California and back again.
I think it was during my junior high years that I bought a pattern for troll doll clothes, and made two little jackets out of felt. By that time, I had acquired a second troll. The first one had long straight black hair, and the other had shorter, frizzy magenta hair. Neither of them has, to this day, a name or even a gender. But both have a place of honor on my bookshelves.
At around the same time, I carved a copy of a troll doll out of a fat, cylindrical candle. I don't have the carving any more. I probably gave it to whomever I was crushing on at the time.
Why am I so attached to a funny looking androgynous sprite with short limbs and big ears? Clearly, I identified with it. I myself am short, androgynous, and not conventionally pretty. And I have hair of impressive straightness, which is the only thing about me that is straight. The only troll attribute I lack is big ears. So, when my troll alter ego went missing all those years ago, it was like I had misplaced a part of myself.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Book Launch Party
Sunday April 9, 2017, was my first public reading from my self-published book Tales of A Seeker. I reserved a medium-sized room at my synagogue, ordered a batch of food to be delivered there, and posted an invitation on my Facebook page, the synagogue's Facebook group, the Koffee Klatch Facebook group, and the Barbary Coast Recorder Orchestra Facebook group. I also sent personal email invites directly to a dozen or so friends.
Nine people actually came, and I was thrilled to greet each one. They listened politely as I read a medium-length assortment of pieces. Even though I had written a short introduction and framing comments in a separate document, I made a point of reading the actual pieces of the book from the paperback copy of the book - to demonstrate that readers would find exactly what I was reading in their very own copy of the book.
There were questions and comments, and applause. One guest read aloud a snippet of the book whose humor had become apparent to her only on her second reading.
Although I thought they'd be the least interesting pieces, my sermons were asked for and appreciated. One guest asked how many of them I had preserved, perhaps thinking they might suffice for a separate book or pamphlet.
One friend pointed out that very few people actually get their writings into published form, and asked how I felt about my achievement. I said, "Proud, and moved to tears."
Nine people actually came, and I was thrilled to greet each one. They listened politely as I read a medium-length assortment of pieces. Even though I had written a short introduction and framing comments in a separate document, I made a point of reading the actual pieces of the book from the paperback copy of the book - to demonstrate that readers would find exactly what I was reading in their very own copy of the book.
There were questions and comments, and applause. One guest read aloud a snippet of the book whose humor had become apparent to her only on her second reading.
Although I thought they'd be the least interesting pieces, my sermons were asked for and appreciated. One guest asked how many of them I had preserved, perhaps thinking they might suffice for a separate book or pamphlet.
One friend pointed out that very few people actually get their writings into published form, and asked how I felt about my achievement. I said, "Proud, and moved to tears."
Monday, April 3, 2017
Life in Nature
A poem created from bits of Mickey Eliason's new book, Blessings from the Beach
Life is a metaphor.
It's all in the perspective.
We city dwellers need
to stretch ourselves
to get benefits from nature.
We must look up
to see the starry skies.
We must take ourselves
to visit the sunset coast,
and walk on its wet sand.
If we hide inside,
we don't reap the benefits
from nature
as a place of worship.
Life is a metaphor.
It's all in the perspective.
We city dwellers need
to stretch ourselves
to get benefits from nature.
We must look up
to see the starry skies.
We must take ourselves
to visit the sunset coast,
and walk on its wet sand.
If we hide inside,
we don't reap the benefits
from nature
as a place of worship.
Think Global; Act Local
When the United Kingdom voted to leave the European Union, the vote was fueled by fears of radical Islamic terrorism. And the election results ratified those fears as justified, and encouraged hitherto silent bigotry to focus on apparent Muslims, and gave permission for the bigots to act openly on all their fears and hatreds.
The Brexit bigotry came to my attention as candidate Trump started winning Republican primaries, because his rally speeches stoked peoples' fears and encouraged them to translate those fears into hatred of everyone who wasn't, like them, a white Christian man. He berated women, Muslims, immigrants, and reporters, and hinted that anyone who was "other" was suspect.
I wrote about the similarity of the two campaigns back in July, because using fear and hatred to win votes is a very dangerous tactic. The hatred does not just go away after the election. In fact, after the American election we saw spikes in hate crimes, and the perpetrators often expressly claimed the election as their justification. "It's Trump's America now; go back where you came from!"
As a Jew, I'm particularly concerned about anti-Semitic hate crimes. Anti-Semitism has been a less explicit part of Trump's platform, but is deeply held by him and some of his closest advisors - the Judaism of his daughter and son-in-law notwithstanding. The spike in hate crimes includes burning mosques to the ground, spraying swastikas on and phoning bomb threats to Jewish buildings, and desecrating Jewish cemeteries. Trump's occasional mild words of rebuke have no effect in stopping these atrocities, since anyone can tell that he doesn't really mean them.
I have joined a campaign that was started in the post-Brexit U.K, wearing a safety pin on my jacket to show that I am a safe person to be around for people who belong to some targeted group. This campaign includes a training video made by a British woman of color, showing how to get between a harasser and his victim, to talk to the victim and find out her plans, and to escort her to a safe place while ignoring the harasser.
I really hope that i am never called upon to intervene in that way. Not just because I expect to make every possible mistake while learning this new skill. Also because I'm very uncomfortable around raised voices. I curl up around myself and wish to be elsewhere. But maybe, just maybe, having a specific duty to perform in this uncomfortable situation may help me focus beyond my own discomfort and actually help someone else. I sure hope so.
The Brexit bigotry came to my attention as candidate Trump started winning Republican primaries, because his rally speeches stoked peoples' fears and encouraged them to translate those fears into hatred of everyone who wasn't, like them, a white Christian man. He berated women, Muslims, immigrants, and reporters, and hinted that anyone who was "other" was suspect.
I wrote about the similarity of the two campaigns back in July, because using fear and hatred to win votes is a very dangerous tactic. The hatred does not just go away after the election. In fact, after the American election we saw spikes in hate crimes, and the perpetrators often expressly claimed the election as their justification. "It's Trump's America now; go back where you came from!"
As a Jew, I'm particularly concerned about anti-Semitic hate crimes. Anti-Semitism has been a less explicit part of Trump's platform, but is deeply held by him and some of his closest advisors - the Judaism of his daughter and son-in-law notwithstanding. The spike in hate crimes includes burning mosques to the ground, spraying swastikas on and phoning bomb threats to Jewish buildings, and desecrating Jewish cemeteries. Trump's occasional mild words of rebuke have no effect in stopping these atrocities, since anyone can tell that he doesn't really mean them.
I have joined a campaign that was started in the post-Brexit U.K, wearing a safety pin on my jacket to show that I am a safe person to be around for people who belong to some targeted group. This campaign includes a training video made by a British woman of color, showing how to get between a harasser and his victim, to talk to the victim and find out her plans, and to escort her to a safe place while ignoring the harasser.
I really hope that i am never called upon to intervene in that way. Not just because I expect to make every possible mistake while learning this new skill. Also because I'm very uncomfortable around raised voices. I curl up around myself and wish to be elsewhere. But maybe, just maybe, having a specific duty to perform in this uncomfortable situation may help me focus beyond my own discomfort and actually help someone else. I sure hope so.
Numbers
Eight has been my favorite number since I was about that age. Maybe its curvy symmetry appealed to me. Or maybe because it becomes the symbol of infinity when it's on its side. Remember the opening credits for the old Ben Casey show, where a man draws on a blackboard the symbols for man, woman, birth, death, infinity.
I don't know for sure when I chose the number as my own. I do remember being seven or eight years old when my fingertip was torn by a door at the Jewish Community Center. I was taken to the emergency room, and the doctor told me that he would sew it up with "eight pretty blue stitches." I replied, "Eight is my favorite number, and blue is my favorite color. So that's fine." The novocaine shot, on the other hand, hurt like the blue blazes - and I nearly crushed the nurse's hand I was holding. But eventually the finger became numb, and all I noticed was tugging on the stitches.
I have no particular memories associated with the first three multiples of eight: 16, 24, 32. At age 40, though, I began the longest lasting and least complicated relationship of my life, so that was a good year.
I Just turned 64, which is eight squared, and I'm cautiously optimistic.
I don't know for sure when I chose the number as my own. I do remember being seven or eight years old when my fingertip was torn by a door at the Jewish Community Center. I was taken to the emergency room, and the doctor told me that he would sew it up with "eight pretty blue stitches." I replied, "Eight is my favorite number, and blue is my favorite color. So that's fine." The novocaine shot, on the other hand, hurt like the blue blazes - and I nearly crushed the nurse's hand I was holding. But eventually the finger became numb, and all I noticed was tugging on the stitches.
I have no particular memories associated with the first three multiples of eight: 16, 24, 32. At age 40, though, I began the longest lasting and least complicated relationship of my life, so that was a good year.
I Just turned 64, which is eight squared, and I'm cautiously optimistic.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Sugar
When I have read too much about the current President and his reign of incompetence, malice, and terror, I comfort myself with animal pictures and videos.
My favorite video I have shared twice with my friends, and still find as soothing as a Xanax. It is a scene from a Japanese garden that has been created to match the scenes of water lilies painted by Monet. There is a real pond stocked with water lilies, framed by trees, and with green plants on the floor of the pond, all in the same colors used by Monet.
The pond is stocked with two large koi who swim majestically into and out of the picture. The first one is orange and white, with accents in black. It starts off alone, and is later joined by a smaller, midnight-blue fish. Finally, the blue fish swims serenely across the screen, as sure and self-contained as a cruise ship. Watching it lowers my blood pressure and gives me peace.
I also really enjoy pictures of baby animals. This morning I viewed one that included exotica such as an axolotl, a dumbo squid, baby fawns, white bats, and other small furry creatures whose names I can't recall. Some of the critters had a tiny horn sticking up above their mouths.
I'm a lifelong fan of miniature objects, like small houses and tiny carvings, but I'm even more drawn to small living beings. Since I'm not quite five feet tall, I'm immediately comfortable with short people. And baby animals just turn me into a warm, fuzzy puddle. I theorize that nature makes babies intensely cute to keep them from being eaten, until they grow into the defenses that teeth, claws, and hooves will provide when they grow up. Soft, small, cuddly or adorably weird, baby animals radiate beauty, harmlessness, and hope. And I love feasting my eyes and emotions on their loveliness, as an antidote to the ugly in the world.
A Review
Last Sunday in Kensington, Mother Nature produced a weather concert of great power and scope. The sunshine was pure, bright, and clean. The sprinkling rain was delicate and only slightly annoying. Fortunately, we were mostly indoors when the downpour began, darkening the skies and pounding all over the church building with a volume that was as impressive as it was well-timed. After gray skies replaced the downpour, I asked myself, "Sun, sprinkle, downpour, clouds. What's next, hail?"
Then I saw many of my fellow musicians looking out the windows, and I joined them. Imagine my surprise; the ground was covered in marble-sized hail! The "rain" had been so loud because it was mostly hail.
Brava, Mother Nature! This was a tour de force that nearly upstaged the recorder orchestra concert we had come to the church to present.
Teachable Moment
How would I go about learning a new skill? Using every possible modality, one after another. Except for hearing about it. That's my least effective input modality. Listening would be useful only if the audible version included something the others didn't, such as extra information, a different perspective, or humor.
I'd start with watching someone do the skill, to see what I would be aiming at. Then I'd want to try it myself, to see where I'm starting. Then I'd want to either read about it or get someone to show me the correct way to do whatever I'm doing wrong. But I could handle learning about only one or two mistakes at a time, because my feelings are easily hurt.
Then I'd want to start the cycle again -- observe, try, read, try, observe. And if there were a way to record my attempts to I could see and hear them myself, a little bit of that would also be helpful. But not too much.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
I hate changes. Twice during my childhood, i was plucked from one family in one city with one group of friends and sent into a completely different situation. This left me with an aversion to imposed changes, and may help explain why I find it hard to change myself.
I was once asked, "What is your theory of personal change?" My answer, "I don't." I've made countless attempts to quit a bad habit or form a good one, without lasting success. I can cling to a change for a few days or weeks, but one slip and it's gone.
I have a committee inside my head that controls my decisions. Among its members are a diligent do-gooder and a sedentary sloth who tend to be deadlocked when I try to change myself.
That said, I have some techniques that help me make some changes for limited periods of time.
Making a commitment to do something at a set time and place with friends is the most effective one. We all see each other doing this thing--hopefully enjoying it, profiting from it, or both--and these experiences reinforce my commitment to keep on doing it.
Other techniques I've tried are less effective. For example, I am pretty good at writing things down. So I write down my weight once a week and every day I record the number of steps registered by my pedometer. But I don't make much effort to keep above a certain number of steps each day, or below any particular weight. That would be too much like work.
Anyway, if I had to make a significant change, I would probably try to do it all at once, because a great deal of back-sliding can be foreseen. If I had to, say, give up sugar, I would have a grand clear-out of my home and try to stock the yummiest types of everything I am allowed to eat. I would try to limit my lapses to meals I eat out with friends, hoping that they could help keep my in check. And I would make every effort to be kind to myself about those lapses, take them in stride, give myself partial credit where it is due, and carry on.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Actions and Reactions
The Trump administration seeks to undo the last eight years of progress by wrecking the economy and environment, and throwing millions off health insurance, to favor the interests of the rich. They also threaten to impose their own Christian religious principles by ending marriage equality and banning abortion.
Our President communicates mostly by spewing crass insults about Muslims, Mexicans, women, and reporters. His election has empowered bigots and haters who now openly credit Trump with their new freedom to vent their hate in word and deed.
The real threat to our democracy, though, is the rise of a new American fascism. There is evidence in a Trump divorce proceeding that he studied the speeches of Hitler. His own speeches strike similar notes about the frightening state of the world, the need to blame somebody for that, and that he is the only person who can save America from the looming disaster.
His authoritarian administration rails against any checks on its power. Even though a free press is essential to a democracy, he labels the press as the opposition, and any negative reporting as fake news. The judiciary should not presume to identify any of his actions as unconstitutional. When the Deputy Attorney General concluded that his Muslim Ban was indefensible in court, he saw it as personal betrayal and fired her.
My hope is that the resistance movement, the courts, the rule of law, and simple human decency will protect us.
Resistance groups are blossoming in America like wildflowers after rain. The organizations that have long supported civil rights and the environment are experiencing surges in donations and activism: the American Civil Liberties Union, Planned Parenthood, the Southern Poverty Law Center, Move On, and so on.
The new kid on the block is Indivisible. In the Indivisible Guide, former Congressional staffers explain how to resist the Trump agenda by influencing their own Members of Congress (MoC). The authors first posted the guide online around the time of the Inauguration. As of this writing, people who downloaded the guide (many of whom were never politically active before) have formed some 7,000 Indivisible groups all over the country, with at least two groups in each Congressional district. Members of these groups and other similar organizations bombard their MoCs with phone calls, emails, personal visits with their staff, and demonstrations outside their offices. During recesses, they demand and attend town halls (with or without their MoCs) to express their resistance to the Trump agenda.
And the resistance is working. The administration and Congress have been delayed, enjoined, or forced to backtrack on efforts against Congressional ethics oversight, immigrants and refugees, and the Affordable Care Act. The Senate has taken historically close votes on Cabinet nominees, and the Cabinet and other administration posts are being filled at historically slow rates.
It remains to be seen whether this administration will be undone by Russian interference in the presidential election, the many ties between Russian institutions and the Trump family and associates, and the massive profits the Trump Organization is reaping from the campaign and presidency. In the meantime, the majority of Americans who did not vote for the Republican President will continue to make our voices heard to protect the democratic freedoms that so many have fought and died to bring to this country that we love.
Our President communicates mostly by spewing crass insults about Muslims, Mexicans, women, and reporters. His election has empowered bigots and haters who now openly credit Trump with their new freedom to vent their hate in word and deed.
The real threat to our democracy, though, is the rise of a new American fascism. There is evidence in a Trump divorce proceeding that he studied the speeches of Hitler. His own speeches strike similar notes about the frightening state of the world, the need to blame somebody for that, and that he is the only person who can save America from the looming disaster.
His authoritarian administration rails against any checks on its power. Even though a free press is essential to a democracy, he labels the press as the opposition, and any negative reporting as fake news. The judiciary should not presume to identify any of his actions as unconstitutional. When the Deputy Attorney General concluded that his Muslim Ban was indefensible in court, he saw it as personal betrayal and fired her.
My hope is that the resistance movement, the courts, the rule of law, and simple human decency will protect us.
Resistance groups are blossoming in America like wildflowers after rain. The organizations that have long supported civil rights and the environment are experiencing surges in donations and activism: the American Civil Liberties Union, Planned Parenthood, the Southern Poverty Law Center, Move On, and so on.
The new kid on the block is Indivisible. In the Indivisible Guide, former Congressional staffers explain how to resist the Trump agenda by influencing their own Members of Congress (MoC). The authors first posted the guide online around the time of the Inauguration. As of this writing, people who downloaded the guide (many of whom were never politically active before) have formed some 7,000 Indivisible groups all over the country, with at least two groups in each Congressional district. Members of these groups and other similar organizations bombard their MoCs with phone calls, emails, personal visits with their staff, and demonstrations outside their offices. During recesses, they demand and attend town halls (with or without their MoCs) to express their resistance to the Trump agenda.
And the resistance is working. The administration and Congress have been delayed, enjoined, or forced to backtrack on efforts against Congressional ethics oversight, immigrants and refugees, and the Affordable Care Act. The Senate has taken historically close votes on Cabinet nominees, and the Cabinet and other administration posts are being filled at historically slow rates.
It remains to be seen whether this administration will be undone by Russian interference in the presidential election, the many ties between Russian institutions and the Trump family and associates, and the massive profits the Trump Organization is reaping from the campaign and presidency. In the meantime, the majority of Americans who did not vote for the Republican President will continue to make our voices heard to protect the democratic freedoms that so many have fought and died to bring to this country that we love.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
A Political Rant
This is Not Normal – people keep saying and writing, and it’s on a T-shirt I acquired last week at a Litquake reading by writers against Trump. I am not the only one who noticed back in July, or earlier, the authoritarian and fascistic tone of Trump’s campaign. It’s only getting worse.
Every other word out of his mouth is a lie and now his executive orders forbid federal agencies from sharing information with the public, and his press secretary spouts clear untruths while advising the public to reject all sources other than Trump for news and information.
And it’s starting to harm our country. Not only with the wave of misogynist assaults, racist violence, swastikas and bomb threats against Jews, and general open bigotry. But Trump’s mixture of careless, thoughtless, defiantly ignorant words and tweets is offending foreign countries that have been reliable trading partners of ours, and is destabilizing already shaky structures that keep the planet from stumbling into World War III.
And don’t get me started on his disregard for national security. Orange Twitler uses an unsecured phone to spew his babblings onto the world stage. He chats with world leaders with his family (business partners) in the room. He refuses to release his tax returns, which would reveal the extent of his business relationships with foreign powers and which business would profit from his role as President, or to divest from his businesses, making it perfectly clear that the presidency is already being used to increase the profits of the Trump Organization. That’s not just a whopping great conflict of interest, that’s treason.
Technically, treason is actions taken to help a foreign government to seriously injure our nation, and his careless tweets that damage America’s standing among nations arguably qualify. And then there’s the Emoluments Clause, which bars federal office holders from being paid by foreign governments. Well, foreign diplomats stay at Trump hotels all the time, putting money directly into Trump’s coffers. As it happens, the fee to join the Mar-a-Lago resort has just been doubled because the prospect of access to Trump raises its value to citizens and foreigners alike. The president is supposed to be a public servant, not a public plunderer.
Trump’s continued bullying braggadocio about making Mexico pay for a border wall has already caused the Mexican president to cancel a planned visit to America. Any self-respecting nation will decide to ignore America until we get a sane adult for a leader.
And why do news organizations keep reporting on his middle-of-the-night tweets? They need to pare down that coverage to the absolute minimum, and focus on his actions. Such as the pile of executive orders that’s on pace to outstrip the (so-called by Republicans) executive over-reach of President Obama in no time flat, orders against the Affordable Care Act, sanctuary cities, and government scientists.
And how about the henchmen and women he’s chosen to run the government? How about Rex Tillerson for our Secretary of State? His entire career working for the oil giant Exxon, and he’s been so helpful to Russia than they gave him the “Order of Friendship.” The role of Russia in the election and its treatment by the Trump administration raise many more questions than answers.
And he’s bestowing cabinet posts on half a dozen Wall Street Goldman Sachs alumni instead of keeping his promise to “drain the swamp” of Washington insiders in power. And, apparently to get an African-American on board, he appoints Dr. Ben Carson, who first declined a cabinet post because of his lack of experience, to be in charge of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, for which he is totally unqualified. Among the very few female nominees is Betsy deVos, a billionaire campaign donor who’s never attended or taught in a public school, to head the Education Department. She’s a big fan of unregulated charter schools, and would funnel money there instead of to the public schools where some 90% of our children are educated.
I guess my fears fall into three main piles. One pile would apply to any Republican administration, which would do its best to undo the last eight years of progress: to wreck the economy, throw millions off health insurance, deport millions of undocumented immigrants, end marriage equality, and ban abortion. Their goal would be to take the country back 50-100 years.
Pile two is the special threat posed by having for President a narcissistic, megalomaniacal, dictatorial ignoramus who is surrounded by yes-men and sycophants, who spews crass, bigoted, self-obsessed, demonstrably false garbage instead of learning about his job and America and the world. He’ll cut us off from the rest of the world or trigger a nuclear holocaust with complete unawareness of the consequences of his actions.
Pile three is the trouble that could be caused by the power he is giving to bigots and haters who now feel free to assault, disparage, and disregard folks who are different from them. More to the point, I fear the rise of a new American fascism. There is evidence in a Trump divorce proceeding that he studied the speeches of Hitler. And his own speeches strike similar notes and are eerily effective at calling on peoples’ worst natures, getting them to vote against their own self-interest and to act badly. And he has managed to convince millions of people to believe propositions that are demonstrably not true. Or, worse, to convince them that the actual facts are not knowable or are unimportant. Just believe what Trump says (or what he’s saying today), and all will be well. Because he is the strongest, smartest, bestest person in the room, and thus is the only person who can save America from the horrible, disastrous state it is in. Pay no attention to the facts—that the economy is vastly improved from eight years ago, that American auto-makers are thriving, that the hemorrhaging of jobs stopped, and that private sector jobs have grown every month for a historically long period of time. That the stock market is blooming and even wages are starting to rise.
Republicans refuse to acknowledge any of this progress, but nevertheless want to reverse it, in the name of “small government,” and deficit reduction. Problem is, at the same time, the GOP is extending ever more government power into bedrooms, bathrooms, doctors’ offices, and women’s bodies (no men’s bodies, of course). They want to cut spending on Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid in order to buy excessive military weapons, a border fence, and millions of deportations, that will, at the very least, make America less safe from terrorism. What happened to all the promised spending on roads, bridges, airports, and other infrastructure?
Many purported Christians voted for him because they thought he was one. They thought he would enforce their values, and resist the spread of tolerance for diversity. The First Amendment comes first for good reasons. Everyone has the right to exercise their own religion in this country, as long as they don’t harm others or prevent others from exercising theirs. Congress must not pass any laws establishing one religion over another. You are free to uphold your own morals only upon your co-religionists. If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. You have no right to deny me the right to have one. You don’t believe in same-sex marriage? Don’t have one; don’t officiate when your own members seek one. But if you conduct a public business, you must serve all customers: black, brown, straight, or gay. And doctors do not have a right to refuse to treat patients they consider unworthy. Free exercise of religion does not include a right to discriminate against other religions. And if you run a business, you must provide health insurance to your employees under the same rules that apply to all employers. And pay women and men the same wages for the same work, and so on.
And let’s consider the Second Amendment, shall we? Although it explicitly concerns militias, a Republican-dominated Supreme Court has found a constitutional right for individuals to own guns. The most powerful lobby in our nation, the National Rifle Association, has blocked any and all legislation that could keep guns away from people who should not have them. And the NRA blocks research into how to address our epidemic of handgun deaths. Hell, we can’t even keep guns out of the hands of toddlers, who shoot somebody every week in this country, often fatally. And the NRA protects arms manufacturers from even trying out safety measures that could keep a gun from being fired by anyone other than its owner. During the last decade or so, gun ownership in America has doubled from two weapons for every man, woman, and child to four weapons for every man, woman, and child. Nobody needs that many ways to cause injury and death. Is it not clear by now that the NRA does not serve citizens? Its obvious goal is to maximize the profits of gun-makers. This is underlined by the fact that not even the slaughter of school children could get past its influence to institute the mildest rules on background checks or assault weapons.
Every other word out of his mouth is a lie and now his executive orders forbid federal agencies from sharing information with the public, and his press secretary spouts clear untruths while advising the public to reject all sources other than Trump for news and information.
And it’s starting to harm our country. Not only with the wave of misogynist assaults, racist violence, swastikas and bomb threats against Jews, and general open bigotry. But Trump’s mixture of careless, thoughtless, defiantly ignorant words and tweets is offending foreign countries that have been reliable trading partners of ours, and is destabilizing already shaky structures that keep the planet from stumbling into World War III.
And don’t get me started on his disregard for national security. Orange Twitler uses an unsecured phone to spew his babblings onto the world stage. He chats with world leaders with his family (business partners) in the room. He refuses to release his tax returns, which would reveal the extent of his business relationships with foreign powers and which business would profit from his role as President, or to divest from his businesses, making it perfectly clear that the presidency is already being used to increase the profits of the Trump Organization. That’s not just a whopping great conflict of interest, that’s treason.
Technically, treason is actions taken to help a foreign government to seriously injure our nation, and his careless tweets that damage America’s standing among nations arguably qualify. And then there’s the Emoluments Clause, which bars federal office holders from being paid by foreign governments. Well, foreign diplomats stay at Trump hotels all the time, putting money directly into Trump’s coffers. As it happens, the fee to join the Mar-a-Lago resort has just been doubled because the prospect of access to Trump raises its value to citizens and foreigners alike. The president is supposed to be a public servant, not a public plunderer.
Trump’s continued bullying braggadocio about making Mexico pay for a border wall has already caused the Mexican president to cancel a planned visit to America. Any self-respecting nation will decide to ignore America until we get a sane adult for a leader.
And why do news organizations keep reporting on his middle-of-the-night tweets? They need to pare down that coverage to the absolute minimum, and focus on his actions. Such as the pile of executive orders that’s on pace to outstrip the (so-called by Republicans) executive over-reach of President Obama in no time flat, orders against the Affordable Care Act, sanctuary cities, and government scientists.
And how about the henchmen and women he’s chosen to run the government? How about Rex Tillerson for our Secretary of State? His entire career working for the oil giant Exxon, and he’s been so helpful to Russia than they gave him the “Order of Friendship.” The role of Russia in the election and its treatment by the Trump administration raise many more questions than answers.
And he’s bestowing cabinet posts on half a dozen Wall Street Goldman Sachs alumni instead of keeping his promise to “drain the swamp” of Washington insiders in power. And, apparently to get an African-American on board, he appoints Dr. Ben Carson, who first declined a cabinet post because of his lack of experience, to be in charge of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, for which he is totally unqualified. Among the very few female nominees is Betsy deVos, a billionaire campaign donor who’s never attended or taught in a public school, to head the Education Department. She’s a big fan of unregulated charter schools, and would funnel money there instead of to the public schools where some 90% of our children are educated.
I guess my fears fall into three main piles. One pile would apply to any Republican administration, which would do its best to undo the last eight years of progress: to wreck the economy, throw millions off health insurance, deport millions of undocumented immigrants, end marriage equality, and ban abortion. Their goal would be to take the country back 50-100 years.
Pile two is the special threat posed by having for President a narcissistic, megalomaniacal, dictatorial ignoramus who is surrounded by yes-men and sycophants, who spews crass, bigoted, self-obsessed, demonstrably false garbage instead of learning about his job and America and the world. He’ll cut us off from the rest of the world or trigger a nuclear holocaust with complete unawareness of the consequences of his actions.
Pile three is the trouble that could be caused by the power he is giving to bigots and haters who now feel free to assault, disparage, and disregard folks who are different from them. More to the point, I fear the rise of a new American fascism. There is evidence in a Trump divorce proceeding that he studied the speeches of Hitler. And his own speeches strike similar notes and are eerily effective at calling on peoples’ worst natures, getting them to vote against their own self-interest and to act badly. And he has managed to convince millions of people to believe propositions that are demonstrably not true. Or, worse, to convince them that the actual facts are not knowable or are unimportant. Just believe what Trump says (or what he’s saying today), and all will be well. Because he is the strongest, smartest, bestest person in the room, and thus is the only person who can save America from the horrible, disastrous state it is in. Pay no attention to the facts—that the economy is vastly improved from eight years ago, that American auto-makers are thriving, that the hemorrhaging of jobs stopped, and that private sector jobs have grown every month for a historically long period of time. That the stock market is blooming and even wages are starting to rise.
Republicans refuse to acknowledge any of this progress, but nevertheless want to reverse it, in the name of “small government,” and deficit reduction. Problem is, at the same time, the GOP is extending ever more government power into bedrooms, bathrooms, doctors’ offices, and women’s bodies (no men’s bodies, of course). They want to cut spending on Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid in order to buy excessive military weapons, a border fence, and millions of deportations, that will, at the very least, make America less safe from terrorism. What happened to all the promised spending on roads, bridges, airports, and other infrastructure?
Many purported Christians voted for him because they thought he was one. They thought he would enforce their values, and resist the spread of tolerance for diversity. The First Amendment comes first for good reasons. Everyone has the right to exercise their own religion in this country, as long as they don’t harm others or prevent others from exercising theirs. Congress must not pass any laws establishing one religion over another. You are free to uphold your own morals only upon your co-religionists. If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. You have no right to deny me the right to have one. You don’t believe in same-sex marriage? Don’t have one; don’t officiate when your own members seek one. But if you conduct a public business, you must serve all customers: black, brown, straight, or gay. And doctors do not have a right to refuse to treat patients they consider unworthy. Free exercise of religion does not include a right to discriminate against other religions. And if you run a business, you must provide health insurance to your employees under the same rules that apply to all employers. And pay women and men the same wages for the same work, and so on.
And let’s consider the Second Amendment, shall we? Although it explicitly concerns militias, a Republican-dominated Supreme Court has found a constitutional right for individuals to own guns. The most powerful lobby in our nation, the National Rifle Association, has blocked any and all legislation that could keep guns away from people who should not have them. And the NRA blocks research into how to address our epidemic of handgun deaths. Hell, we can’t even keep guns out of the hands of toddlers, who shoot somebody every week in this country, often fatally. And the NRA protects arms manufacturers from even trying out safety measures that could keep a gun from being fired by anyone other than its owner. During the last decade or so, gun ownership in America has doubled from two weapons for every man, woman, and child to four weapons for every man, woman, and child. Nobody needs that many ways to cause injury and death. Is it not clear by now that the NRA does not serve citizens? Its obvious goal is to maximize the profits of gun-makers. This is underlined by the fact that not even the slaughter of school children could get past its influence to institute the mildest rules on background checks or assault weapons.
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